This post contains some of the best holiday grief quotes.
Holiday Grief Quotes
1. “A wonderful thing about the holidays is that they encourage us to remember those we love. Even though it may hurt to remember, don’t forget that remembering the past makes hoping for the future possible.” – Alan D. Wolfelt
2. “Above all, mourning is a spiritual journey of the heart and soul. And the holidays are a spiritual time of year. Together the two demand your spiritual time and attention.” – Alan D. Wolfelt
3. “Accept your unique thoughts and feelings this holiday season. Find ways to mourn that work for you.” – Alan D. Wolfelt
4. “As mourners, we need the love and understanding of others if we are to heal. When your friends and family reach out to you during the holidays, accept their support. Let them spend time with you and take care of you. You need their help and they need to give it.” – Alan D. Wolfelt
5. “Be open to the possibility of happiness during the holidays. And if and when you do feel glimpses of happiness, do so without guilt. You are still alive, and finding happiness means you are carrying on with your life’s purpose.” – Alan D. Wolfelt
6. “Because you’re in mourning this year, you may feel like not “doing” the holidays at all. That’s an understandable thought! But your family’s holiday traditions are an important part of your shared history as well as your continuing lives. You may find yourself wanting to celebrate as you always have for memory’s sake” – Alan D. Wolfelt
Related: Resilient Grieving: Best 17 Ways To Manage Grief In The Workplace (+FREE Grief Worksheets)
7. “Don’t assume that your holidays will be totally miserable this year. Yes, if you are actively mourning, you will experience pain and sadness. But if you spend time in the company of people you love, you may also experience moments of great joy and hope.” – Alan D. Wolfelt
8. “During the holidays, your pain may be closer to the surface. The ritual and intimacy of the holidays may make you more emotional. Remember that your emotions are normal and natural, and when you feel them it means it’s time for you to feel them.” – Alan D. Wolfelt
9. “During your time of grief, the very rituals of the holidays can help you survive them.” – Alan D. Wolfelt
10. “Even your holiday self has changed. You may have gone from loving the holidays to dreading them or from being a big holiday baker to not wanting to spend a minute in the kitchen. The holidays will be different this year in part because you’re different this year.” – Alan D. Wolfelt
11. “Holidays have such rich associations for us because humankind created them as a way to honor and celebrate that which is truly important.” – Alan D. Wolfelt
12. “However, most of the time you are in deep grief and feel as if you’re standing under a dark cloud. Are there other options that you might think and perceive? The grief is real, but does there have to be a dark cloud? Could you be in the afterglow of love instead? Could you surround yourself in the gratitude of your love?” – Louise L. Hay & David Kessler
13. “I want you to know that you can find continued meaning in the holidays and in life. You can continue to live and love fully. You must grieve but you can also celebrate.” – Alan D. Wolfelt
14. “If the death was very recent, you may be in survival mode this holiday season. If that’s true for you, it’s OK—the world will keep turning whether you participate in the holidays or not” – Alan D. Wolfelt
15. “If you find yourself alone this holiday season, reach out to neighbors, people at your place of worship, or a grief support group.” – Alan D. Wolfelt
Related: How To Help A Grieving Friend? 6 Things to Avoid Saying to a Grieving Person
16. “If you keep yourself too busy during the holidays, you may leave yourself no time to work on this critical need of mourning. Don’t overschedule and don’t try to “keep busy” simply to avoid the pain.” – Alan D. Wolfelt
17. “It takes a true commitment to heal in your grief. Yes, you are changed, but with commitment and intention you can and will become whole again.” – Alan D. Wolfelt
18. “It’s certainly helpful to take advantage of grief as a time to reflect on the past with tenderness—but to relive it over and over is painful and nonproductive. That’s what you tend to do when you just go back without an intention of healing.” – Louise L. Hay & David Kessler
19. “Let your holiday grief be what it is. And let yourself—your new, grieving self—be who you are.” – Alan D. Wolfelt
20. “Part of your struggle with the holidays will likely involve trying to find ongoing meaning in them. It may seem like the holidays are meaningless this year. Trust that in time and through the work of mourning, you will find meaning in the holidays again.” – Alan D. Wolfelt
Related: Grief Comes In Waves: Top 12 Lessons From Grief No One Talks About
21. “Setting your intention to mourn and heal during the holidays—and beyond—is one important way to move forward in your grief journey.” – Alan D. Wolfelt
22. “The holidays encourage memory-sharing.” – Alan D. Wolfelt
23. “The pain of grief is one thing. Our thoughts then add to the suffering.” – Louise L. Hay & David Kessler
24. “This holiday season, you will probably experience a multitude of different emotions in a wave-like fashion. You will also likely encounter more than one need of mourning at the same time. Be compassionate with yourself as you experience your own unique grief journey.” – Alan D. Wolfelt
25. “We’re asking you to change your thinking after a loss occurs—not to avoid the pain of grief, but to keep moving through it. We want your thoughts to live in a place where you remember your loved one only with love, not with sadness or regret.” – Louise L. Hay & David Kessler
Related: Grieving Someone Who Is Still Alive – Ambiguous Grief
26. “When someone loved dies, the holidays can be so very painful. The heart of the holidays has been torn apart. Without love, what is life? Without the people we love, what are the holidays?” – Alan D. Wolfelt
27. “When you sing holiday songs, allow yourself to embrace any grief feelings the music stirs within you. Attending services at your place of worship, praying and meditating are other meaningful ways to tap into the healing power of ritual this holiday season.” – Alan D. Wolfelt
28. “When you think about the holiday season as this vast period of celebration from Thanksgiving to New Year’s, it can definitely seem overwhelming, especially when you’re in mourning.” – Alan D. Wolfelt
29. “When your grief overwhelms you this holiday season, try focusing on the now. Your grief wants you to live in the past through memories of the precious person who died. Remembering is indeed important, and your memories will always be a special part of your life.” – Alan D. Wolfelt
Related: Best +30 Grief Activities For Adults (+FREE Worksheets PDF)
30. “You can create an experience of fully feeling the grief and desiring the healing, or you can become a victim of the pain.” – Louise L. Hay & David Kessler
31. “You have the power within you to create a new, more positive reality. When you change your thoughts about grief and loss, it doesn’t mean you won’t feel the pain or you won’t go through the grief. It just means that you won’t get stuck in any one feeling.” – Louise L. Hay
32. “The holidays may well help you move toward your grief, and that is a good thing.” – Alan D. Wolfelt
33. “Experiencing moments of happiness and joy during the holidays does not mean you didn’t deeply love the person who died. It merely means that you are alive and can continue to live.” – Alan D. Wolfelt
34. “This holiday season, if you’re tired, rest. If have muscle aches and pains, take a hot bath or an ibuprofen. If you’re thirsty, drink water (and lots of it!).” – Alan D. Wolfelt
35. “Start a meaningful new holiday tradition by giving a gift in the name of the person who died.” – Alan D. Wolfelt
Related: Best 21 Grief Journaling Prompts (+FREE Grief Worksheets PDF)
Why Is Grief Unique?
Grief is unique because it is a deeply personal and individual experience. Here are a few reasons why grief is unique:
1. Personal Relationship: Each person’s relationship with the deceased is unique, which influences their experience of grief. The nature of the relationship, the level of attachment, and the depth of emotional connection can all impact the grieving process.
2. Individual Coping Styles: People have different coping mechanisms and strategies for dealing with loss. Some may openly express their emotions, while others may be more internal or find comfort in activities like writing, exercising, or seeking social support.
3. Emotional Resilience: Each person has a unique capacity to handle and process emotions. Factors such as prior experiences with loss, mental health, and personal resilience can influence how an individual responds to grief.
4. Cultural and Social Influences: Cultural and social beliefs, rituals, and expectations around death and grieving can also shape and influence an individual’s experience. These factors can vary greatly between cultures and can impact the way grief is expressed, understood, and supported.
5. Personal History: Personal experiences, traumas, and losses from the past can influence how an individual grieves in the present. Past unresolved grief or other psychological factors can intersect with the current grief experience.
6. Circumstances of Loss: The circumstances surrounding the loss, such as sudden death, traumatic events, or the loss of a loved one after a prolonged illness, can impact the intensity and complexity of grief.
It’s essential to understand and acknowledge that everyone’s grief is unique.
There is no “right” or “normal” way to grieve, and there is no predetermined timeline for healing. It’s important to honor and respect each person’s individual experience of grief and provide support accordingly.
What Happens To Your Body If You Don’t Grieve?
When we experience a significant loss, it is crucial to allow ourselves to grieve and process the emotions associated with it.
If we suppress or avoid grieving, it can have negative effects on our physical and mental well-being.
Here are some potential consequences of not allowing yourself to grieve:
1. Emotional Distress: Unresolved grief can lead to prolonged feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, or anxiety. These suppressed emotions may resurface later, potentially causing more intense and prolonged distress.
2. Physical Symptoms: Suppressing grief can manifest in physical symptoms such as headaches, body aches, fatigue, digestive problems, changes in appetite, sleep disturbances, and weakened immune system functioning.
3. Mental Health Issues: Untreated grief can contribute to the development or exacerbation of mental health conditions like depression, anxiety disorders, substance abuse, or complicated grief. It may also increase the risk of suicidal ideation.
4. Relationship Strain: Avoiding grief can hinder your ability to connect with others and form meaningful relationships. Unresolved grief may make it challenging to trust, experience vulnerability, or engage in healthy emotional intimacy.
5. Inhibited Healing: Grief is a natural part of the healing process after a loss. By not allowing yourself to grieve, you may prevent yourself from fully processing your emotions and moving forward. This can inhibit personal growth and impede the recovery process.
It’s important to note that everyone grieves differently, and there is no “right” or “wrong” way to do it.
However, seeking support, expressing emotions, and engaging in healthy coping strategies can promote healing and minimize potential negative effects on both your physical and mental well-being.
References
- Portions of this article were adapted from the book Healing Your Holiday Grief, © 2005 by Alan D. Wolfelt. All rights reserved.
