Today, you’re going to learn how to have a successful first date using 12 adult dating tips.
12 Science-Backed Adult Dating Tips
How to Make A Good First Impression?
The first minutes of a relationship can be more decisive than you think. The moment you lay eyes on each other, your potential partner subconsciously reads the subtleties of your body language. They unconsciously decide to try for a romantic relationship or to abort any thoughts of love.
#1. Be Ready for Love
Making yourself look attractive for a first date is important, but not as decisive as their first glimpse of you. This is why you need to always be ready for love.
Research shows that for women her body and face is more crucial to first impression, whereas for men, it’s their clothes.
As for makeup, the study, “Lipstick as a Determiner of First Impressions of Personality,” where men were asked to talk with six different women who sometimes wore makeup and something didn’t, revealed that the men’s opinion of each woman was very different when she wore lipstick.
Related: The Ultimate Guide to Finding The Right Guy For You
#2. Use The Power of Eye Contact
The most potent weapon you need to trigger love at first sight is your eyes. Many people swear they fell in love the moment they looked into their lover’s eyes.
A study called “The Effects of Mutual Gaze on Feelings of Romantic Love,” found that powerful eye contact immediately stimulates strong feelings of affection.
Instinctively, people enjoy gazing lingeringly at sights they like and avert their eyes from those they don’t. It’s the same when looking at people.
How Much Eye Contact Does It Take to Imitate Love?
A British study determined that, on average, when talking, people make eye contact only 30 to 60 percent of the time. This is not enough to trigger love at first sight.
The study also shows that the more love a couple felt for each other, the more time they spent making eye contact.
So, to give someone the subliminal sense that the two of you are already in love, increase your eye contact while the two of you are chatting up to 70 percent of the time or more.
How to Get Bedroom Eyes?
Large pupils are proven to make your eyes sexy and inviting. Dr. Eckhard Hess, demonstrated that when shown a picture of a woman with her pupils were retouched to look larger, the male response was twice as strong as to the identical woman but with small pupils. Same positive female response to Males with big pupils.
While we can’t consciously control our pupil size, we can at least manipulate it. When we look at an enticing stimulus, our pupils expand.
So when you talk with someone you’re interested in, simply gaze at the most attractive feature on their face. Do they have adorable dimples? Do they have beautiful lips? As you enjoy the sight, your pupils will gradually enlarge.
Related: 5 Dating Do’s and Don’ts For Women If You Want a Lasting Relationship
#3. Women, Make the First Move – Men, Move Fast
Women,
Most people believe that the responsibility for making a pickup is the men’s. However, studies show that women initiate two-thirds of all encounters.
How do they initiate encounters? With an attention-getting device.
A researcher named Monica Moore, conducted a study to find out the non-verbal solicitation signals women used to make two-thirds of the approaches.
The following are some of the results of Monica Moore’s findings:
- Smile at him broadly.
- Throw him a short, darting glance.
- Look straight at him and flip your hair.
- Keep a fixed gaze on him.
- “Accidently” brush up against him.
- Lick your lips during eye contact.
- Ask for his help with something.
If you feel hesitant about making the first move, remember this: you are merely fulfilling your instinctive destiny in selecting the best mate and assuring the survival of the species. “Mother Nature would approve”.
If you’re worried he’ll think you are too forward, don’t be. Because, happily, the male ego takes over and he won’t even realize that he was not the one who made the first move.
Researcher Moore adds that men think they are making the initial overture when they are actually responding to women’s nonverbal solicitation signs.
Men,
When you spot an attractive lady, first let your body do the talking. Use your eyes and hold eye contact for a few extra seconds.
Be prepared for her to look away. That doesn’t mean she isn’t interested. Women are used to lowering their eyes when a men looks at them.
If she’s welcoming your attention, she’ll look up again within 45 seconds. Smile at her and give her a little nod.
Move within her range. Then move close enough to her to talk. The opening lines to the conversations don’t matter as much as how you look and how you say whatever you say does. But avoid any generic lines such as “Are you a model?” and, “How come a beautiful girl like you doesn’t have a date?”
Instead, make your opening words related to her or the current situation. Compliment her, or ask her how she knows the host or hostess of the party. She knows it’s just an excuse for you to talk to her and she’ll be busy sizing you up on your manners.
When You Are the One Who Is Approached
Many people repel potential lovers with their body language. Because of their insecurities or shyness, when a potential lover approaches them they fail at showing him or her that they’re willing to connect.
Several studies show that both men and women are more drawn to someone who instantly likes them. By demonstrating to your potential lover that you already like him, you increase your chances at connecting with them.
Sadly, you can’t just whisper the words “I like you” in their ears. But you still can say it with your body language.
- Smile as you listen to them.
- Make your body open. Face them fully and keep your arms open in an inviting position.
- Lean forward and stand or sit a little too close to show that you’re physically attracted.
- Gently touch their arm or brush a piece of lint from their clothing.
- Nod your head gently in response to what your potential lover is saying.
Related: Top 10 Emotional Needs In Intimate Relationships and How to Meet Them
#4. What To Say On A First Date?
Your first conversation has to be smooth and exhilarating. For that, you need to discover your potential lover’s hot topics.
For one person, it’s talking about sports. For another, it’s discussing psychology. But most people find chatting about their home, car, family, or pet to be the most engrossing topic by far.
How to Know What Topics Turn Your Potential Lover On?
Keep an Eye on Their Body Language
Keep an eye out for involuntary facial expressions, head movements, hand gestures, and body rotation. These signals communicate how he or she feels.
When your potential lover’s face comes alive, ask for more information on that topic. When their face goes bland, that’s your cue to gently change the topic.
Listen For Unusual References
While your potential lover is talking, listen for any unusual references in the conversation – an invocation of another place, time or person, a deviation, etc.
For example, if it’s raining and they say something like “At least it’s good for the plants.” That’s a cue. Most probably plants are part of their life or they wouldn’t have used the word.
#5. Create a Sense of Intimacy
This is when you fool your potential lover into thinking that you two are already in love.
No matter what a man and woman are discussing, you can still tell whether they were new acquaintances, or just friends, or lovers.
How?
By the level on which they were talking to each other. A conversation has 4 levels depending on how close two people are.
Level One: Cliches
When two strangers talk together would toss clichés back and forth. Like saying “Boy, some rain, huh?”
Level Two: Facts
People who are just acquaintances often discuss facts like saying “You know, there were 152 rainy days last year.”
Level Three: Feelings and Personal Questions
Friends share their feelings with each other even on dull subjects such as the weather “These rainy days make me feel miserable.” They also ask each other personal questions, “How about you? Are you a sun person?”
Level Four: We Statements
This is a level of intimacy where very close friends or lovers enjoy more than tossing clichés back and forth, sharing facts or feelings. They express themselves in “we statements”.
“Once the weather clears up, we will have a great trip.”
How Can You Use The Four Levels of Intimacy to Make Someone Fall In Love With You?
Create a sense of intimacy with your potential partner even if you’ve just met. Skip conversational levels one and two, and cut right to levels three and four. This will make them feel as if you’re already a couple and already in love.
Ask them about their feelings on something the way you would ask a close friend and use “we” sentences.
Related: 4 Habits of Emotionally Intimate Couples and 4 Habits They Avoid
#6. Share a Personal Secret
Disclosing personal information about ourselves can get you even closer and enhance your intimacy. You show that you’re not on guard and that you are being vulnerable.
This secret can be little foibles like having a terrible time trying not to bit your nails. But if you sense that your potential lover doesn’t respect you enough yet, don’t share it.
A study named “The Effect of a Pratfall on Increasing Interpersonal Attractiveness“, revealed that when someone makes a blooper, if he’s a person of superior competence, we like him or her more, but if the person is of average competence, we like him or her less.
So make sure that your potential lover already respects you before sharing secrets, but also make sure that they’re tiny foibles and it’s really minor
Early in a relationship, telling your new lover that you’ve been divorced twice or that you’ve got fired from your job, can only make them think “What a loser!” even if you have a great record of solid relationships and academic record.
Related: How to Get More Affection from Your Relationships?
#7. Men, Let Her Earn Your Interest First – Women, Be Hard to Get … But Not With Him
Men,
How soon after meeting your potential lover should you pop the question, “Will you go out with me?”
Not until she feels she has earned your interest and attention through her brilliance, her fascinating personality, her talents, etc, lest she think you’re only interested in her looks.
Another reason why you shouldn’t ask too soon, is because she needs more information so she can make the right decision about you before she must say yes or no. She’s not basing her decision only on your looks but also and more importantly on your personality, intelligence, and wit. This is why you need to talk more and reveal yourself more before popping the question.
Women,
Most people are convinced that men like a hard-to-get woman better. After all, men especially value that which they had to work for, right?
In a study called “Playing Hard to Get: Understanding an Elusive Phenomenon“, a group of college men were asked whether they preferred a hard-to-get woman. The responses were positive.
“Well, sure, if she’s hard to get, it must mean she’s more sought after.
Yes, if a girl is popular, she can afford to be choosy.
Well, my friends will envy me: there’s a lot more prestige in going out with a hard-to-get dame.”
However, the scientists decided to put this theory to the test by putting on a computer-dating program and asking men to call the women to ask them out for a date. The women were asked to pause for three seconds before accepting, half of the time, thus playing hard to get, and the other half, they should accept the date immediately, thus being easy to get.
Afterward, when asked how they felt about the women, astoundingly, the men did not like the hard-to-get women any better.
In short, playing hard to get with the man won’t make him want you more.
But there’s more. Another part of the study revealed that when the woman is hard to get for other men, but easy to get for him, he liked her a lot more.
Dating Checklist
Look For Similarity . . . and a Touch of Difference
“Opposites attract.”
“Birds of a feather flock together”
The two statements sound like contradictions, but they’re not.
Studies show that lovers are drawn to partners with similar attitudes, values, interests, and outlooks on life. These similarities make lovers feel secure knowing that they’ve made the wisest choice that will keep their love warm long after the first flames of passion have cooled.
At the same time, people seek differences, too. But only certain kinds of differences.
Lovers want qualities that are different enough to enrich their lives and keep the relationship interesting but not different enough to draw them apart. They choose partners who improve their lifestyle, give them new experiences and ideas, and make up for their lack. They look for complementary qualities that will bring them to “perfection”.
How can you use this knowledge to make someone fall in love with you?
Observe your potential lover carefully and begin to highlight your similarities. Then find out what “different” qualities would complement his or her life.
Related: Are You And Your Partner Romantically Compatible? (Attachment Style Theory)
#8. Speak the Same Words
Your choice of words has a lot to do with how you make someone feel about you.
Family members and friends use the same words with each other. By echoing the same words your potential lover uses, you can give him or her that “family feeling”.
All you need to do is to listen carefully. If, for example, your potential lover has a child she refers to as “my baby”, probably everyone in her family uses the same word. When talking with her use the same word to refer to her child. Echoing her word will make her feel close to you – like you’re already part of her family.
Related: How To Communicate More Effectively
#9. Women, Do Things With Him
This is about the interests the two of you have. Doing things together is more important to men than you think. While women deepen relationships by talking together, men, on the other hand, bond by doing things together.
Good verbal communication is important to a man, too, but not as high as it is on the female wish list. A man wants a woman who enjoys the same activities and with whom he can have fun. Fortunately, this kind of similarity is easy to create. Whether you already enjoy one of his interests (sports, music, movies, literature, etc) or you can find a new activity or interest that you both enjoy.
#10. Men, Co-React
This is about sharing the same basic beliefs. Men, this is more important to women than you think.
In a study, where men and women were asked to go together, some of the couples were told that their blind dates were very similar in their attitudes toward life, while others were told they were dissimilar. But neither statement was true.
Afterward, when asked about how much they liked each other, the couples who were told they were similar liked each other a lot more, even when they were actually very dissimilar.
It’s especially important for a woman to feel that you share certain values, beliefs, and attitudes and that you look at the world through the same lens. In fact, if you share just one strong attitude, it can create a deep sense of closeness and spark the relationship.
It isn’t always necessary to have deep discussions with your potential lover to show her that you share her convictions. Even in a subtle physical way you can hint at your similar beliefs. Watch her reactions to outside stimuli, did she laugh? Was she shocked? Did she rush to help? then show the same emotions – humor, compassion, disgust, etc.
#11. Define What Love Is For You
This is about your convictions of what love should be and what you expect from a relationship. This subject is often isn’t discussed until it’s too late.
It’s important to be on the same page when it comes to convictions of what love should be and how lovers should behave. How much closeness? How much self-reliance? How much giving and sacrifice?
Science has proved that your happiness in love will be greatly determined by how far above, or far below your relationship falls, compared to the level of your expectations.
These expectations are usually influenced by the way your parents loved each other or didn’t and the way your previous lovers loved you, and how much you liked it.
So if you expect a relationship to be intimate, a distant partner will drive you crazy.
People tend to fall in love with people who share the same convictions about love. This isn’t to say that you need to change your beliefs to make someone fall in love, but it helps to find out that you’re on the same page and show it to them.
#12. Look For Complementary Qualities
Lovers look for complimentary qualities to make up for their lacks and bring them as a couple to completion.
But what complementary qualities does your potential lover likes?
You can casually ask about their previous relationships “What did you like about Julia?” “What was David’s best quality?” Pay attention to their answers. If you have a strength that your potential lover needs or wishes they had, then that’s a complimentary quality they need in a long-term relationship.
After you’ve established your similarities, revealing your complimentary qualities will make your potential lover feel like you’re a perfect fit.
Why Equity Matters In Love?
Everything has value. A person’s value is subjective, but generally, the world agrees on what makes a good catch and what doesn’t.
Studies show that the more quality and value you bring to the table, the better you’ll do in love and the more apt you are to make someone fall in love with you. The equitable a romantic relationship is, the more likely it will progress to marriage and last long term.
There are 6 elements based on which someone is judged a good catch or not:
1. Physical appearance
2. Possessions or money
3. Status or prestige
4. Information or knowledge
5. Social graces or personality
6. Inner nature
Studies tell us that partners, who are more or less equal in each of the above categories, are the happiest. But if not, their qualities balance each other out across the board.
This means that, if you take the first category, physical appearance, for example, men and women usually end up marrying people who are just about as attractive as they are. But you still can marry a drop-dead gorgeous partner when you’re not as attractive, if you’re filthy rich, for example.
Resources
- Portions of this article were adapted from the book How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You, © 1996 by Leil Lowndes. All rights reserved.
- Americans’ Views on Dating and Relationships | Pew Research Center
- The science of online dating – PMC (nih.gov)
- Modern Love: Scientific Insights from 21st Century Dating – Association for Psychological Science – APS
