Not knowing what to say is not a failure. It is often information. The key is to stop trying to “say the right thing” and start using the moment.
Struggling With Knowing What To Say To Therapy Clients?
1. Focus on What Is Happening Between You and the Client
When you feel stuck, look at the relationship.
Ask yourself:
• What feels different right now?
• Did the room go quiet, tense, flat, rushed?
• Do I feel pressured, bored, confused, frozen?
You can name this gently:
• “Something feels stuck between us right now.”
• “I notice we both went quiet just now.”
That alone often moves things forward.
2. Use the Client’s Last Sentence
When in doubt, go back to the last thing they said.
Reflect it, slow it down, or ask for more.
Examples:
• “Say more about that.”
• “What stood out most in what you just said?”
• “What was that like for you?”
You do not need a new idea. Use what is already there.
Related: CBT Worksheets Bundle (FREE PFD Download)
3. Shift From Story to Experience
If clients are talking in facts or stories and you feel lost, bring it to the present.
Ask:
• “What are you feeling right now as you tell me this?”
• “Where do you notice this in your body?”
• “What is the hardest part of this for you?”
This gives direction without forcing insight.
4. Name What You Notice, Not What It Means
You do not need interpretations.
Observations are enough.
Examples:
• “You smiled when you said that, but your voice got quieter.”
• “You talk fast when you get to this part.”
• “You keep circling back to this moment.”
Let the client make meaning.
5. Allow Silence Without Panicking
Silence is not empty.
It is often where things form.
If you feel anxious in silence, check:
• Am I trying to reduce my own discomfort?
• Am I rushing to be useful?
Sometimes the best move is to stay quiet and present.
Related: Best 10 Narrative Therapy Books
6. Say Less, Slower, and Simpler
When you are unsure, shorten your responses.
Avoid long explanations.
One clear sentence is enough.
Examples:
• “That sounds painful.”
• “You seem torn.”
• “I’m really listening.”
7. Ask Process Questions
If content is not moving, ask about the process.
Examples:
• “What is it like talking to me about this?”
• “Do you feel understood right now?”
• “Is this helpful, or do we need to shift?”
This brings collaboration back in.
8. Consider Countertransference Signals
If you feel unusually blank, frozen, or pressured, ask:
• Is the client feeling stuck themselves?
• Am I holding something they cannot say?
• Am I being pulled into a familiar role?
You do not need to solve it immediately. Just notice.
Related: Best 12 Books For Therapists
9. Give the Client Clear Structure When Needed
Some clients do not know what to do in therapy.
It is okay to guide.
Examples:
• “You can talk about thoughts, feelings, memories, or things you avoid.”
• “We can slow down and focus on one moment.”
Structure reduces anxiety for both of you.
10. Trust That This Gets Easier With Time
Confidence comes from repetition, not certainty.
Every therapist has sessions where words do not come.
That does not mean nothing is happening.
Related: Caregiver Burnout vs Compassion Fatigue
Conclusion
When you do not know what to say, stop searching for clever responses. Use the relationship, the moment, the client’s words, and your own reactions as guides. Staying present, curious, and honest matters more than saying the perfect thing.
