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Top 21 BPD Relationship Quotes

BPD Relationship Quotes

This post contains some of the best BPD relationship quotes.

BPD Relationship Quotes

1. “Even after the relationship ended, my feelings of distrust and low self-esteem remained. So I began seeing a therapist.” – Randi Kreger, Paul Mason MS

2. “Rather than dwell on the diagnosis per se, help the person see that in any relationship, both people bear responsibility for the way things are. (You may feel that the BP is responsible for all the problems, but set this aside for now.)” – Randi Kreger, Paul Mason MS

3. “If the person with BPD cannot seem to take a cooperative approach to working on the relationship, you may wish to simply focus on setting limits.” – Randi Kreger, Paul Mason MS

Related: Top 7 Skills For Coping With BPD [+ BPD FREE Resources]

4. “Your message should be that when there are problems in relationships, both people need to work on them together.” – Randi Kreger, Paul Mason MS

5. “In real life, relationships are multifaceted. Hundreds of factors unrelated to BPD affect them.” – Randi Kreger, Paul Mason MS

6. “The BP is responsible for 50 percent of the relationship, and the non-BP is responsible for the other half. At the same time, each person is responsible for 100 percent of their own 50 percent.” – Randi Kreger, Paul Mason MS

7. “The intense need of people with BPD can put a strain on any relationship—even when the non-BP is a parent and the BP is a child.” – Randi Kreger, Paul Mason MS

8. “For people with BPD, the potential loss of a relationship can be like facing the loss of an arm or leg—or even death. At the same time, their sense of self-esteem is so low that they really don’t understand why anyone would want to be with them.” – Randi Kreger, Paul Mason MS

9. “Partially because of their habit of splitting, people with BPD—especially those who were abused as children—find it extremely difficult to trust others. This lack of trust causes a great deal of turbulence in relationships; for example, while they are seeing you as a villain, they may accuse you of not loving them or of having an affair.” – Randi Kreger, Paul Mason MS

10. “When most people feel bad, they can take steps to feel better. They can also control, to some extent, how much their moods affect their relationships with others. People with BPD have a hard time doing this. Their mood may swing from intense anger to depression, depression to irritability, and irritability to anxiety within a few hours. Non-BPs often find this unpredictability exhausting.” – Randi Kreger, Paul Mason MS

Related: Best 20 Tips On Dating Someone With BPD Without Becoming A Caretaker

11. “Almost universally, non-BPs say they feel manipulated by the BPs in their lives. If the non-BP doesn’t do what the BP wants them to do, the BP may threaten to break off the relationship, call the police, or even kill him- or herself.” – Randi Kreger, Paul Mason MS

12. “For one thing, they’ve damaged their relationship with you—someone they’re terrified will leave them. When things calm down, the person with BPD may feel ashamed of the way he or she behaved toward you. This adds to the downward spiral of shame, guilt, and low self-esteem. BPs may apologize and beg for your forgiveness, then deny that they ever admitted that their behavior was out of line.” – Randi Kreger, Paul Mason MS

13. “By trying to take charge of the borderline’s life, you may be giving them the message that they can’t take care of themselves. You’re also avoiding the opportunity to change the relationship by focusing on yourself” – Randi Kreger, Paul Mason MS

14. “Setting personal limits is essential for all relationships—especially those in which one or both people have BP.” – Randi Kreger, Paul Mason MS

15. “Feelings don’t have IQs. They just are. Sadness, anger, guilt, confusion, hostility, annoyance, frustration—all are normal, and to be expected by people faced with borderline behavior. This is true no matter what your relationship is to the person with BPD. This doesn’t mean that you should respond to the BP with anger. But it does mean that you need a safe place to vent your emotions and feel accepted, not judged.” – Randi Kreger, Paul Mason MS

Related: Saying No To Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

16. “Non-BPs may believe they are trapped in the relationship because they either feel overly responsible for the safety of the BP or they feel overly guilty for perhaps “causing” the BP to feel and behave the way they do. The BP’s threat of suicide or threat to harm others can paralyze the non-BP and make him or her feel as if leaving the relationship is too risky.” – Randi Kreger, Paul Mason MS

17. “While you can’t change the disorder itself or make your family member seek therapy, you do have the power to fundamentally change the relationship.” – Randi Kreger, Paul Mason MS

18. “Many non-BPs—especially those who have chosen their relationship with the borderline—go through life trying to fix things for other people and rescue them. This gives them the illusion that they can change someone else. But it is just a fantasy that shifts responsibility away from the only person who has the power to change the borderline’s life—the BP.” – Randi Kreger, Paul Mason MS

19. “Many people with BPD are able to be supportive of their children and other people in their life. But some are not. If the relationship with the BP in your life is damaging your self-worth, take immediate steps to repair it. Don’t depend on the person with BPD to affirm or validate your worth, because she may not be able to. It’s not that she doesn’t care about you—it’s just that at this time, her own issues and needs may be getting in the way.” – Randi Kreger, Paul Mason MS

20. “Many people stay in relationships with borderlines because the person with BPD is incredibly interesting, engaging, bright, charming, funny, witty, and alluring.” – Randi Kreger, Paul Mason MS

21. “Non-BPs aren’t masochists; they’re optimists—which may or may not turn out to be warranted. It is hard to give up on that optimism and let go of a relationship that’s so good otherwise.” – Randi Kreger, Paul Mason MS

Related: Emotional Permanence (What Is It & Top 4 Tips On How To Cope With Emotional Permanence Deficit?)

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  • Portions of this article were adapted from the book Stop Walking On Eggshells, © 2010 by Randi Kreger, Paul Mason MS. All rights reserved.