This post contains “Am I In A Codependent Relationship Quiz” along with helpful tips to stop codependency in a relationship.
Although you don’t have to be in a relationship to be codependent, relationships are usually what trigger codependency issues most.
Am I In A Codependent Relationship Quiz
Take this codependent relationship quiz to see if you are having codependency issues.
#1. Do you gravitate toward people who need you?
#2. Do you frequently cancel plans to spend time with your partner?
#3. Do you feel selfish when taking time out for self-care?
#4. Do you have trouble being alone?
#5. Do you feel like you need to save them from themselves?
#6. Do you want to change who they are?
#7. Do you feel stressed around your partner?
#8. Do you tend to tune in to your partner's feelings but ignore your own feelings?
#9. Do you make your partner responsible for your feelings? Do you believe that your unhappiness is tied to your partner's actions?
#10. Do you feel responsible for the feelings and actions of your partner?
#11. Do you ignore and deny conflict and other problems?
This is not a diagnostic tool. We will not sell your information. All results are kept confidential.
Results
The questions above represent common signs you might be in a codependent relationship. If you answered yes to most of these questions, then you might be in a codependent relationship.
Can a codependent relationship be saved?
The answer is yes given that you’re willing to take an honest look at your codependency patterns of controlling, reacting, and worrying.
Interdependent Relationships vs Codependent Relationships
Perhaps no one will ever be able to give the perfect definition of a healthy relationship, because even love and relationships are not perfect.
But in a healthy relationship, you enjoy the joy and pleasure of being together without having the need to “cling” to one other.
When we choose to love only for the shared pleasure this means we choose to love ourselves first, in our totality, not just the part that we like.
Interdependent Relationships vs. Codependent Relationships
| Interdependency | Codependency |
| There is a balanced give and take. | One person does most of the giving and receives little in return. |
| Both people support each other’s growth and independence. | Enabling is disguised as help, which creates dependency. |
| Both people are free to be their own separate, independent person. | There’s enmeshment and very weak emotional boundaries. |
Leaving A Codependent Relationship
If You Decide to End The Relationship
Consider your relationship, and ask yourself the following questions:
- Why was I drawn to this person in the first place?
- Did I ignore the red flags?
- Did I give away my power and sense of self-worth to this person? Why?
We often are shocked when a relationship ends, or when a partner cheats on us, but when digging deeper, we usually discover it was not all that shocking.
There were signs, gut feeling, overstepping of boundaries, and a trail of red flags indicating that something wasn’t right but we chose to ignore them.
Only when the relationship crashes do we finally pay attention to the signs and admit that things didn’t and haven’t been working for a long while.
It’s up to us to decide if we want to heal from codependency and say “enough is enough,” “I want to feel good with the people I love and respect” and “I am no longer available for toxic relationships.”
Most of the time, deciding to heal occurs when our suffering and anger outweigh the fear of being abandoned.
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FAQ
Should Love Be Conditioned Or Unconditional?
The answer depends on who is our love for.
Healthy love between adults must be selfless but conditioned on mutual love.
This means you give love to receive love, rather than giving your love to receive attention or dignity.
Our children, not being able to return our love consciously, they have the right to take for themselves all the unconditional love that we can transmit to them, without having anything in return but to make them grow healthy.
How Does Healthy Caregiving Looks Like?
Healthy caregiving is when you respect others’ boundaries and separateness and offer support without an urge to fix their problems, realizing that it’s not your job to change their lives and trusting that they can fix their problems and deal with their pain.
When you give, you give freely, without expectations or strings attached.
Resources
- Portions of this article were adapted from the book Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart, © 2020 by Amy Chan. All rights reserved.
- Portions of this article were adapted from the book The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People who Hurt Us, © 2013 by Ross Rosenberg. All rights reserved.
- Portions of this article were adapted from the book Codependency For Dummies, © 2012 by Darlene Lancer. All rights reserved.
- 10 Signs You’re in a Codependent Relationship – Cleveland Clinic
- Codependent relationships: Symptoms, warning signs, and behavior (medicalnewstoday.com)
- Are You in a Codependent Relationship? Warning Signs and How to Change (webmd.com)
- Are You Codependent? 13 Signs of Codependency (psychcentral.com)
- Codependent Relationships: Red Flags, Risks, and How to Get Help (greatist.com)
- What Is Codependency? (verywellmind.com)
