10 Powerful Techniques To Control Your Negative Thoughts
Your Thoughts Aren’t Your Reality.
We seem to believe that our thoughts are a reality. Therefore, we believe everything our mind says, including that we’re a failure, incapable, unlovable…
In fact, studies show that the average person talks to himself about 50,000 times a day, 80% of which are negative.
You don’t have to fight your negative thoughts, if anything, the more you’ll fight them the more they’ll persist.
Instead, see the thought for what it really is – words passing through your head.
Today you’re going to learn 10 powerful techniques that will help you overcome negative thinking.
Let’s get started!
- #1. Distance Yourself From Your Thoughts
- #2. Ask Yourself “Is This Thought Helpful?”
- #3. Name Your Stories
- #4. Thank Your Mind
- #5. Don’t Take It Seriously
- #6. Focus On Something Else
- #7. Consider A “Friend’s” Perspective
- #8. Create Calm Thoughts
- #9. Watch Out for Worry Words
- #10. Tolerate Uncertainty
This article contains affiliate links. That means, if you click through and make a purchase using an affiliate link, I will earn a small compensation at no extra cost to you.
#1. Distance Yourself From Your Thoughts
When your mind says that ‘life sucks!’ acknowledge that thought by simply saying ‘I’m having the thought that life sucks.’
The phrase, ‘I’m having the thought that…’ gives you distance from the actual thought, and helps you step back and observe it.
This makes you more conscious about the process of thinking. You see the thought for what it is – a string of words. They may or may not be true.
As a result, you’re less likely to take your thoughts literally.
#2. Ask Yourself “Is This Thought Helpful?”
It doesn’t matter whether or not the thought is negative. What matters is whether or not it’s helpful and worth paying attention to.
If you made a mistake at work and your mind is telling you “You’re incompetent,” This isn’t a helpful thought. It doesn’t tell you what to do to improve and is only putting you down.
What you need to do here is focus on improving your skills or asking for help.
If, however, you think that having the thought that ‘you’re incompetent’ isn’t demoralizing, and is in fact prompting you to learn and fix your mistakes, then, by all means, make use of it.
But almost always, negative thoughts, especially self-critical ones, don’t motivate people to take effective action.
For instance, people with weight problems will usually react to these thoughts by eating more in a futile attempt to feel better.
#3. Name Your Stories
Our minds are constantly retelling negative stories, such as the ‘loser’ story, or the ‘I can’t do it’ story, or the ‘I’m fat’ story.
The aim here isn’t to fight the story but to simply acknowledge it.
When you identify your mind’s favourite stories and give them names, you become less likely to get caught up in them.
By saying “Here comes the old ‘I’m a failure’ story.” You’re acknowledging the story without challenging it and without giving it much attention either.
Simply let it come and go as it pleases, while you focus your energy on whatever you’re doing at the moment.
#4. Thank Your Mind
This is a simple technique to detach yourself from your negative thoughts.
When your mind tells you something negative, simply thank it.
You can silently say to yourself “Thank you, Mind! How informative!”
When saying this, you don’t do it sarcastically or aggressively.
You do it with humour and with a genuine appreciation for your mind’s amazing ability to generate a never-ending stream of thoughts.
#5. Don’t Take It Seriously
When a recurrent negative thought or self-judgment is bothering you, choose an animated cartoon character or an actor with a humorous voice and hear it in his voice.
Doing this makes it less likely for you to take the thought seriously.
You might even find yourself grinning or chuckling to the thought.
#6. Focus On Something Else
Negative thoughts shouldn’t be a problem in their own right.
It’s only when you believe them, react as if they were the truth, and give them your full attention, that they become problematic.
In fact, our minds are constantly reminding us of bad things from the past, warning us of bad things to come in the future, and updating us on what’s wrong with us.
There’s no way to switch these thoughts off. Once in a while, it might cheer you up and give a brilliant idea, but not too often.
But like a radio that is playing in the background, you can choose not to pay attention to these thoughts and instead focus on what you’re doing at the moment.
#7. Consider A “Friend’s” Perspective
This is one of the simplest strategies that work wonders. When your mind is racing with anxious thoughts, pause for a moment and ask yourself, “If a dear friend was having the same thoughts, would I agree? What would I tell him?”
You don’t have to come up with instant or perfect things to say. Seek out every idea you can think of until you reach a creative solution.
#8. Create Calm Thoughts
Crowding out your anxious thoughts with calm thoughts is a great way to shift your thinking.
The key here is to look for more reasonable and believable alternatives to your negative thoughts.
Begin by putting your negative thoughts on paper. Leaving it in your head can make it hard to examine these thoughts and come up with a more realistic alternative.
Anxious thought: If I lose my job I’ll go bankrupt in a matter of weeks.
Reasonable alternative: Losing my job will cause some challenges. However, odds are I’ll find another job soon enough, and I have family and friends who would help if I needed them to.
#9. Watch Out for Worry Words
Examine your inner chatter. Do you ever exaggerate? Predict horrible outcomes? Do you tend to use words like never, impossible, and unbearable?
Using negative self-talk increases your anxious thoughts and quell your unnecessary anxiety.
Worry words come in four major categories:
Words that exaggerate or turn a minor event into a disaster, such as awful, devastating, disastrous, horrible, and unbearable.
Change your extremist words:
- Difficult but not unbearable
- Uncomfortable but not intolerable
- Disagreeable but not devastating
- Distressing but not agonizing
Black-and-white thinking. Polar opposites with nothing in between. These words include all, always, complete, constant, everyone, forever, no one, none
Changing your all-or-nothing thinking
Negative thought: I’ll never get the job.
Thought without distortion: Right now, I don’t know whether I’ll get the job or not. But I’ll do my best to see to it that it happens.
3. Judging, commanding, and labeling
Judgments: These include harsh judgments about yourself, such as bad, inadequate, stupid, pathetic,…
Commandments: These include telling yourself that you should or must take a particular action.
Labels: These include self-critical labels, such as loser, pig, monster, jerk, and failure.
Changing you judging commanding, and labeling thinking:
Judging: I made another mistake. I must be stupid.
Reasonable alternative: expecting not to make mistakes is unrealistic, but I can learn from this mistake and work harder.
Commanding: I should have what it takes to keep my relationship happy.
Reasonable alternative: Much as I’d like to have a happy relationship, I don’t have complete control over the outcome — it takes two, after all. But I was okay before I met my partner, and I can learn to be okay again if I have to.
Underestimating your ability to cope, such as telling yourself, “I can’t, I’ll never be able to do it, this is impossible.”
Vanquishing victim thinking:
Victim: I feel overwhelmed by anxious thoughts. I feel helpless.
Reasonable alternative: I do have difficulties dealing with my anxious thoughts. However, I could read on the subject and practice proven techniques until I get better and I can also reach out to a therapist to help me with my anxious thoughts.
Looking for more self-help tools?
Ineedmotivation.com is the premiere self improvement firm on the web.. It offers you listening motivational courses and calming Subliminal and relaxing Hypnosis courses that you can purchase and listen to in an mp3 or CD format.
#10. Tolerate Uncertainty
Anxious people detest uncertainty.
They believe that if they could control everything around them, they wouldn’t worry so much, and that might be true.
However, life consists of constant uncertainty. Accidents and unforeseen events happen.
Not only is the task of preventing negative outcomes impossible, trying to do so can ruin your life. If overprotect your children because you worry that they’ll get into trouble, you’ll end up greatly limiting their lives.
Worrying doesn’t change the outcome.
Some people believe that if they worry enough, bad things won’t happen. That’s because most of your worries don’t happen, so you think that worrying has paid off. But worry by itself does not prevent anything from happening.
Take reasonable precautions.
Take reasonable precautions regarding your and well-being, and let go of your need to predict and control.
Find ways to embrace uncertainty.
Appreciate the excitement and possibilities that comes with uncertainty. Acknowledge that without suffering and adversity, you won’t be able value the good moments.
Keep in mind that when detaching yourself from your negative thoughts, the aim isn’t to get rid of these unpleasant thoughts, but rather to see them for what they are – just words. They might go away, or not.
So don’t expect the techniques explained above to make you feel good instantly, that’s a by-product.
In fact the main goal of these techniques is to focus your attention on more important things.
Moreover, these techniques are skills that you get better at with practice and persistence.
Looking for effective,affordable online therapy that can help you?
Online-Therapy.com is a online-therapy service that offers weekly live therapy sessions (chat, phone, and/or video sessions) with your personal licensed and certified therapist along with other resources based on cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) – one of the most commonly used psychotherapeutic approaches for treating mental health problems.
Related Deals: Get 20% Off Online-Therapy.com
We love hearing from you. Please share your thoughts with us in the comments below.
See a typo or inaccuracy? Please contact us so we can fix it!
Wondering what to read next?
- 6 Steps to Find Happiness & Lead a Rich, Full & Meaningful Life
- 8 Ways To Boost Your Happiness In Less Than A Minute
- How to Hygge? Nordic Secrets to a Happy Life
- Improve Your Life & Happiness With The Power of Gratitude
- 15 Easy Ways to Be a Happier Person
- 60 Little Things That Make Life Happy
- 14 Habits that Are Holding You Back from Happiness and Success
Like This Post? Please Consider Sharing It On Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest!
Portions of this article were adapted from the book Overcoming Anxiety for Dummies, © 2002 by Charles H. Elliott and Laura L. Smith. All rights reserved.