This post contains examples of what boundaries sound like to help you start setting healthy boundaries.
What Are Boundaries?
Boundaries are dividing lines that define who you are as an individual and what we will and will not tolerate from others.
Boundaries make it clear that you’re a unique individual and not an extension of someone else.
Boundaries can take many forms.
- Physical boundaries: they protect your space, property, and body.
- Sexual boundaries: they protect your right to consent.
- Emotional boundaries: they allow you to have your own emotions and thoughts and protect you from emotional harm, such as abuse, betrayal, invalidation, etc.
Related: Best 9 Tips On How To Receive More In Life And Relationships?
What Boundaries Are Not
Boundaries are not demands.
We may ask someone to change their behavior. But it’s simply a request and the person is still free to choose how to behave.
Boundaries are not mean.
They’re not meant to hurt people.
Rather boundaries protect you and the relationship. They limit conflict and maintain respect within the relationship.
Related: Top 25 Tips On How To Set Boundaries In A Toxic Relationship? (+FREE Worksheets PDF)
Do You Have Weak Boundaries?
Do you relate to any of the following?
- Interactions with others leave you feeling taken advantage of and resentful.
- Making requests or saying no when you need to leaves you feeling guilty.
- You avoid directly communicating your expectations to others.
- You don’t have a strong sense of who you are or what your values and goals.
- You don’t make time for self-care.
- You don’t speak up often enough when you want something or when you’re being treated poorly.
- You don’t spend enough quality time with people you care about or perusing your interests.
- You often accept blame for things you didn’t do or couldn’t control.
- You often struggle to say no because you don’t want to disappoint people.
- You think you don’t matter or aren’t as important as others.
- You’re frequently overscheduled or tired.
- You’re tuned in to how other people feel, but aren’t always aware of how you’re feeling.
If so, you may be struggling to set healthy emotional boundaries in your relationships.
Related: Healthy Boundaries Quiz (+Free Pdf Worksheets)
Personal Bill of Right
What Do Boundaries Sound Like?
Communicating a Boundary Sounds Like
“I’m not interested in talking about this person when they’re not here.”
“Please do not comment on my (weight, appearance, etc.)”
“I appreciate your decision, but this is my decision.”
“If you continue to yell at me, I will have to walk away.”
“I have made up my mind about this.”
“I don’t want to discuss this matter.”
“We need to Change how we communicate, because it doesn’t seem to be working for either of us.”
“I would like it if you supported me by listening instead of offering advice.”
“I hope you will find a way to solve this problem.”
Related: People Pleaser Quiz (+Top 21 Proven Ways to Stop People Pleasing)
Boundaries In A Relationship Sound Like
“I’m not okay with you talking to me that way.”
“I’m not ready to have sex yet.”
“I would love to see you, but I usually spend Sundays with my family.”
“I’d like us to put our phones aside when we’re on a date.”
“I’m not comfortable talking about that just yet.”
Related: Top 10 Emotional Boundaries In Dating You Should Set From The First Date
Boundaries At Work Sound Like
“I can’t help you with that, but I can do…”
“I am not available to discuss work-related concerns on weekends.”
“I’m focusing on an important task right now. Can we schedule some time to talk later?”
“I’m at capacity right now. I can’t commit to that.”
Boundaries With Yourself Sound Like
“I will ask for help before I’m overwhelmed.”
“I will use loving terms when describing my body or talking to myself.”
“When I feel lonely, I will not call my ex.”
“I will not answer work-related phone calls outside of working hours.”
Taking Break During a Difficult Conversation Sounds Like
“I’m feeling really overwhelmed. Can we pause this?”
“I need a second to think. Can we take a break?”
“I need some time to myself. Can we talk about this later?”
“I know this is an important conversation, but I feel overwhelmed. Can I call you tomorrow?”
“I really want to finish this conversation when I’m in a better headspace.”
“I need some time and space to think this through.”
Related: How To Set Boundaries With Narcissistic Parents?
Saying No Sounds Like
“I wish I could help, but I’m not available right now to support you.”
“I care about you deeply and I’m sorry you have to go through this. But I can’t help you with your issue.”
“I can’t support you financially, but I’m willing to support you in another way.”
“I can’t commit to that right now. Can we work to find a compromise?”
“I trust that you will be able to find a solution to this problem.”
“I have nothing planned, but that doesn’t mean I’m available.”
“I’m not able to take on additional work right now.”
“Thank you but I am not available.”
“I appreciate that you asked me but I can’t do it.”
“I appreciate you thinking of me but I can’t.”
“I would love to help, but this seems like an issue that should be handled with the help of a professional.”
“I am honored that you asked but I can’t commit to that right now.”
“Sorry I can’t make it this time, maybe next time.”
“I’m sorry I am not available this weekend, maybe next weekend.”
Related: Why Nice Guys Suck? Best 19 Practical Strategies To Stop Being The Nice Guy
Conclusion
Setting boundaries isn’t about forcing people to do what you want.
Rather, boundaries are about honoring your needs, expressing yourself clearly and communicating to others what you will and will not tolerate.
