Top +90 Covert Narcissist Quotes (+FREE Toxic Relationships Worksheets)

This post contains some of the best covert narcissist quotes.

Who Is The Covert Narcissist?

A Covert narcissist is a type of narcissist who doesn’t fit the stereotypical attention-seeking, egotistical yet charming personality that is usually attached to a narcissist.

Covert narcissists uses covert behaviors like passive-aggressiveness and playing the victim to gain sympathy and get what their narcissistic supply (e.g., praise, control or power over others, etc.).

Covert Narcissist Quotes

1. “A covert narcissist can appear to be a loving partner for a long time. Their behavior often becomes more aggressive at the end of the relationship.” – Debbie Mirza

2. “A covert narcissist is highly manipulative. They are masters at spinning the facts into their own version of what happened to where they come out of it completely innocent you are the villain. They will tell other people you abuse them and yet they love you, so leaving you isn’t an option.” – Edward Brandon

3. “A covert narcissist is someone who has almost the same characteristics as the covert narcissist, but goes about it in an entirely different way but achieves the same result.” – Dr. Theresa J. Covert

4. “A covert narcissist needs a constant flow of emotional support. You cannot give your emotional support to another person indefinitely.” – Edward Brandon

5. “A covert narcissist never seems to run out of excuses in a relationship.” – Dr. Theresa J. Covert

6. “After a relationship with a covert narcissist, you feel like you can’t trust your perception of reality because no one else can see what you see.” – Debbie Mirza

7. “All the narcissistic traits are true of overts and coverts. The difference is the covert narcissist hides their dark attributes because they want people to like them.” – Debbie Mirza

8. “Covert narcissism is the worst and most insidious form of narcissism because the abuse is so hidden. Most people don’t even realize they are being abused when they are in these relationships.” – Debbie Mirza

9. “Covert narcissists are likable to the outside world; they appear to be giving, humble, and kind. Image is the most important thing to them. These people are law-abiding citizens. They usually have well paying steady careers. They are not outwardly aggressive. You could know them for years and never see this side of them. This can change during the discard phase.” – Debbie Mirza

10. “Covert narcissists are naturally introverts in nature as opposed to overt narcissists. They tend to be more subtle in their relations with others, but the result is always the same.” – Dr. Theresa J. Covert

11. “Covert narcissists are not capable of real love. It was an illusion. That is an incredibly painful and disillusioning realization.” – Debbie Mirza

12. “Covert narcissists are obsessed with hurting someone back when they feel like they have been wronged by them.” – Edward Brandon

13. “Covert narcissists are often doctors, lawyers, military officers, pilots, motivational speakers, pastors, actors, professors, spiritual leaders, and therapists. They will have careers that are impressive to people and seek positions of authority. There can be exceptions to this, but this is quite common.” – Debbie Mirza

14. “Covert narcissists are well liked. They are charming and kind. They appear humble and empathetic. They can be good listeners and appear to really care. You can feel incredibly loved by them. They simultaneously make you feel terrible about yourself. They use cloaked tactics that you don’t see for years.” – Debbie Mirza

15. “Covert narcissists claim not to be able to express their anger. Ironically, they spend most of their lives angry. Their anger is silent and it builds up over time. They will not tell you they are upset with you and why so you can work through it together. They will not share what they are really thinking with you, but with other people.” – Edward Brandon

16. “Covert narcissists control and devalue victims through very subtle manipulation tactics over a long period of time. The impact this has on you is devastating.” – Debbie Mirza

17. “Covert narcissists do not go to the extremes overt narcissists do to gather attention; they are not seen at the forefront of the limelight but rather at the back. They play the victim, or a disturbed or hurt individual, and this works as people tend to sympathize and develop an urge to help.” – Dr. Theresa J. Covert

18. “Covert narcissists feel powerless and that is why they get a sense of power from gaining sympathy.” – Edward Brandon

19. “Covert narcissists often come from an abusive background where their needs were not met and they were not praised. They learned that the only way they could get something they wanted or needed was through manipulation. They thrust themselves into situations where they are the victim as an adult.” – Edward Brandon

20. “Covert narcissists seek out certain types of people. They look for people who are kind, authentic, self-reflective, nurturing, loving, and caring people with a conscience. They look for energy supplies. Without these attributes, the narcissist has no use for you, and their manipulative tactics wouldn’t work on you.” – Debbie Mirza

21. “Covert narcissists slowly break your spirit over time without you seeing it, and you end up feeling emotionally like you were the problem, which results in physical manifestations of various ailments.” – Debbie Mirza

22. “Covert narcissists specialize in shaming you. They blame you for everything. Every problem between the two of you is your fault. Take this as an example. You are taking an online quiz and you have ten minutes to do it. At that exact moment this person comes in and they want to carry a heavy box a long distance.” – Edward Brandon

23. “Covert narcissists take their time to study their surroundings and people to find and exploit individuals who they deem as prey. They can portray themselves as timid, but it is a ploy to garner attention.” – Dr. Theresa J. Covert

24. “Covert narcissists tend to whip out the ‘guilt trip’ card any time.” – Dr. Theresa J. Covert

25. “Covert narcissists will seek out a certain type of person for intimacy. They know what traits someone needs to have to be able to control and manipulate them.” – Debbie Mirza

26. “For a covert narcissist, the tactics are insidious. Often, they even come to you disguised as someone who needs your help. They know that the things they tell you will bring out your protective instincts. They play on the empathetic nature of people to get attention from them.” – Edward Brandon

27. “For covert narcissists, they often emulate the symptoms of mental disorders such as depression and anxiety so that the attention always has to be on them.” – Edward Brandon

28. “In fact, covert narcissism is a person who is in permanent victim mode. They say “why does this always happen to me” and “why will no one ever give me the breaks that everyone else gets”. They never think about what they can do to better their lives. Their mind plays a constant loop of “I wish I could, but I can’t, and this is why”. You cannot lift them up enough. In fact, they do not want to be lifted up. They only want to drag you down.” – Edward Brandon

29. “In order to really understand the nature of the covert narcissist, you have to have lived it.” – Debbie Mirza

30. “It is common for people to be in romantic relationships with covert narcissists for over 10, 20, 30, 40-plus years not recognizing the abuse they have endured for decades.” – Debbie Mirza

31. “It is easier to spot overt narcissism than covert narcissism as the latter is not straightforward. Often it isn’t until the victim has fallen into the trap that they realize, albeit late, that they have had their emotions played with.” – Dr. Theresa J. Covert

32. “It is very common for targets to say, “We seemed so much alike.” This is because the covert narcissist mirrors you in the beginning, in a sense becomes you. They are observing you during this period. They will ride the wave of emotion you are feeling, so it feels like they are just as excited about this relationship as you are. This can carry on for a while.” – Debbie Mirza

33. “Most people adore covert narcissists because of how very careful they are in choosing who they unmask around and how much effort they put into optics and public perception.” – Debbie Mirza

34. “One reason covert narcissists are so damaging is because of cognitive dissonance. This is when you have two competing thoughts in your mind. You love your mom, spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend and thought they loved you the same. Yet when you look back, their behaviors are making you question your beliefs about them.” – Debbie Mirza

35. “Plausible deniability is the covert narcissist’s greatest weapon in their arsenal of gaslighting tools.” – Debbie Mirza

36. “Survivors of covert narcissists need to know that they’re not crazy.” – Debbie Mirza

37. “The narcissistic supply for covert narcissists is the sympathy they get while they portray others as being evil. They will spend hours complaining to someone about you, and this is most likely the person they complain to you for hours at a time about. They often forget what they have said to which people, which is why you will most likely hear the same stories many times in a row.” – Edward Brandon

38. “The word “de-value” says it all. At the beginning of a relationship with a covert narcissist, you feel incredibly valued. Then you begin to experience little things, statements they make, looks they give that begin to demean and devalue you. It is all very subtle. Over a long period of time, you are given the message by someone you love and trust that you have no value, no matter what you do, no matter how kind you are, no matter how much you do for them, you will never ever be enough for them. The cold, hard truth is you do not matter to them, and unfortunately, the message you end up receiving is that you do not matter, period. ” – Debbie Mirza

39. “When a relationship with a covert narcissist ends, it is sudden and painful. It can look like a “normal” divorce, but it is not even close.” – Debbie Mirza

40. “With a covert narcissist everything on the surface looks normal and often lovely for months, years, even decades. They know how to say all the right things, exactly the things that you personally want to hear. They can mirror empathy, concern, and tears better than most Hollywood actors. However, underneath the surface the feeling is off. It’s so subtle that you could easily miss it or dismiss it.” – Debbie Mirza

41. “Covert narcissists are a type of narcissist who don’t fit the stereotypical, over-the-top, ‘look at me, the world revolves around me’ personality that is usually attached to a narcissist. In some ways, covert narcissism can be more difficult to spot due to the introverted character of the narcissist.” – Louisa Cox

42. “Whilst it’s just as dangerous as its extroverted counterpart, the introverted, covert narcissist is a more hidden form of the abuse and therefore it can be trickier to pinpoint.” – Louisa Cox

43. “The main thing a covert narcissist has in common with an extroverted one is that they both use superiority (however subtle or blatant) to cover up their internal vulnerability. This, in turn, is also used to make their victim feel insecure or off balance about themselves or the situation. Whilst some narcissists may outright say, ‘I’m better than you, so play by my rules’, a covert narcissist will instead strongly hint at it – they won’t be direct about it, but you’ll still feel the same degradation as if they’d said it directly.” – Louisa Cox

44. “Being quietly observant, judgmental and showing gestures of superiority are characteristics you’ll find in a covert narcissist. They tend to do this with an air of smugness, which can leave you feeling belittled, confused and often like you’re simply not good enough.” – Louisa Cox

45. “Communicating with a covert narcissist is like walking on eggshells. You’re worried about saying the wrong thing that may upset, offend or annoy.” – Louisa Cox

46. “Covert narcissists tend to handle criticism, or perceived criticism, very poorly. They deem negative feedback or constructive criticism a personal attack towards them. Their reaction to this isn’t always graceful nor is it from a place of wanting to take that constructive criticism and use it to improve. Instead, they react in one of two ways: they either get highly defensive, and use the smug superiority described above to dismiss any unwanted feedback, or they will sulkily withdraw from the situation.” – Louisa Cox

47. “Typically, a covert narcissist won’t tell you outright what is bothering them but will instead let their cold behavior towards you let you know something is up.” – Louisa Cox

48. “Passive aggressiveness in a covert narcissist can be seen via the narcissist becoming angry, hostile, and they’ll often offer a fake helpfulness with no intention of ever helping you. These passive aggressive behaviors are expressed in covert ways, which are used to give the narcissist an underhanded advantage over the situation. If a covert narcissist feels threatened, they’ll use passive aggressive behavior to ensure they are in control of the situation. These passive aggressive tactics are a stealthy way to exact punishment on those who dare to hurt their fragile ego.” – Louisa Cox

49. “A covert narcissist is inclined to become hostile if they don’t get their own way. Even if their requests or demands are unreasonable, they’ll devise stealthy yet destructive ways to make you miserable for hurting their delicate sense of entitlement.” – Louisa Cox

50. “For a covert narcissist, putting other people down makes them feel selfassured and superior. Making you feel inadequate and insecure about yourself helps the narcissist relieve their own insecurities and deficiencies. This helps them seek and obtain a false sense of importance, and their critical and hostile way of speaking to you will fuel their narcissistic fire.” – Louisa Cox

51. “You may be aware of the phrase ‘misery loves company’, and this couldn’t be truer for a covert narcissist. They will, either consciously or unconsciously, spread their misery and unhappiness to those closest to them.” – Louisa Cox

52. “Very thinly veiled hostile banter or joking is often followed by the phrase ‘I was just kidding’ or ‘can’t you take a joke?’ Sarcastic, hostile humor offered from a covert narcissist is their way of expressing their internal anger, rejection and/or disapproval towards you.” – Louisa Cox

53. “The hidden intentions behind the humor are quite sinister. The narcissist uses humor as one of their many weapons to berate you covertly. When this is done in public or in front of an audience, especially when those around you laugh at the narcissist’s comments, you will undoubtedly feel discredited, rejected and downright silly.” – Louisa Cox

54. “A covert narcissist will blame others for their own failures, irresponsibility and negligence. If the narcissist fails to (or is unwilling to) follow reasonable requests, show professional conduct or even abide by social norms, this is never their fault; someone else will always get the blame.” – Louisa Cox

55. “A covert narcissist will distort your perception of a situation or conversation, therefore making it easier to place blame elsewhere. Often the covert narcissist will misdirect the blame onto you, thus taking the focus off the real issue at hand: their own failures and bad behavior.” – Louisa Cox

56. “Covert sabotage is the narcissist’s way of sneakily administering their punishment on you in a very disguised way. Examples of this could be the narcissist deliberately disclosing hurtful and harmful information, or deliberately obstructing any positive endeavors or communications. Other examples could be the narcissist deliberately undermining any agreements you’ve made with them. The narcissist could also purposely overspend your agreed budget, this causing you financial difficulty – but of course, you’d be the person who was handed the blame for this.” – Louisa Cox

57. “Passive aggression can be seen in various way, not all of them so obvious. Because of this, it’s important to always try to be aware of any falsehoods your partner is trying to convince you of, and to ensure that blameful behavior from the covert narcissist is met with assertive awareness of the true facts of the situation.” – Louisa Cox

58. “A distinct lack of empathy is a trait the covert narcissist shares with an extroverted narcissist. Both types of narcissist are so self-absorbed and self- serving that they are dismissive of other people’s feelings. Often, their apparent dismissiveness of your thoughts and feelings is in fact their complete obliviousness to your feelings.” – Louisa Cox

59. “A covert narcissist, although introverted, can still have a ‘special person’ complex. They may heavily hint towards being misunderstood, almost like they’re so evolved nobody can understand their genius or uniqueness. This ‘special person’ complex can be something the covert narcissist uses as a ‘woe is me’ story: they may claim they feel isolated and misunderstood because they’re so one-of-a-kind that nobody can possibly understand them.” – Louisa Cox

60. “Covert narcissists are deeply insecure about their inability to connect with people in a meaningful way. Some of the behaviors and characteristics of a narcissist are put in place to act as a defense mechanism to keep people away or at a distance. The reason that they want to do this is to avoid being exposed for their interpersonal inadequacies and hide their incapability to forge deep relationships with others.” – Louisa Cox

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61. “Whilst a covert narcissist can have friends, it’s often seen that this type of narcissist doesn’t form deep friendships, and they find it easier to cut people out of their life without any real regard. A covert narcissist will often have friends that they only connect with on a surface level, and anything more than that would put the narcissistic in danger of being ‘exposed’.” – Louisa Cox

62. “Self-centeredness and self-absorption are very common characteristics of a covert narcissist. These introverted narcissists are very poor listeners, and as such form quick opinions on people and situations.” – Louisa Cox

63. “Quiet people are widely assumed to be good listeners, although for a covert narcissist this isn’t the case; the opposite is true. Because of their self-absorption, they often find things that aren’t about them (or things that will directly affect them) uninteresting and unworthy of their attention.” – Louisa Cox

64. “It’s ironic to think that such self-absorbed people, like the covert narcissist, also lack the self-awareness that the rest of us possess. Whilst we are fortunate to be able to have the ability to reflect on our actions and behavior, the narcissist is unable (or unwilling a lot of cases), to fully recognize just how self-absorbed they are.” – Louisa Cox

65. “It’s important to remember that the covert narcissist is possibly the hardest type of abuse to spot. Generally, they look for highly empathetic people, who will listen to their sob stories and give the narcissist the benefit of the doubt. Once the victim then begins to feel a sense of responsibility for their narcissistic partner, that’s when the abuser knows that they have them reeled in and then amps up their abuse in the relationship.” – Louisa Cox

66. “As with all narcissists, covert narcissists do have a predictable pattern of behavior when it comes to romantic partners. In the beginning, they may appear to idealize their partner. This acts as bait for the victim. Once the victim is hooked in, the narcissist will then devalue their partner, and (as you sadly may be all too aware), this then causes the victim to chase the love and adoration they received from their abuser previously.” – Louisa Cox

67. “The covert narcissist may appear as a calm, quiet and polite person to most people. However, when you’re in a relationship with one, they’re often cold, distant abusive and demeaning. Jekyll and Hyde can be a good way of describing their personality and treatment of you.” – Louisa Cox

68. “It’s not an uncommon game for a covert narcissist to set you up for failure or upset. The crazy-making thing about this is that the narcissist will then punish you for the aforementioned failure.” – Louisa Cox

69. “Introverted narcissists are also renowned for making empty promises, without ever having any intention of delivering. They will then get a twisted kick out of your reaction when they fail to deliver, often making themselves look like the victim, and making you look unreasonable and selfish with unbearable expectations.” – Louisa Cox

70. “The best way to describe a covert narcissists internal feelings would be ‘conflicted’. Whilst the narcissist wants to be worshipped and adored, and they do think quite a lot about themselves, they are also incredibly insecure about themselves. This internal conflict creates the unbalanced, manipulative and willful confidence-sucker that is the covert narcissist.” – Louisa Cox

71. “Covert narcissists are very skilled at drawing us in with their sob stories. They’re highly practiced and adept at finding the right victim, and these victims are often people who offer lot of empathy and kindness.” – Louisa Cox

72. “A covert narcissist essentially worms their way into your heart. They do this with tales of misfortune and woe.” – Louisa Cox

73. “Anything that looks to threaten a covert narcissist’s superiority is seen as a direct attack towards them. This leads them to having a very high contempt for other people, and it’s also what ensures their constant need to be superior to everyone else.” – Louisa Cox

74. “Conversations with a covert narcissist are often very repetitive, and rarely do they end in any kind of solution or resolve.” – Louisa Cox

75. “When a covert narcissist is confronted about their behavior, it’s often found that they will become defensive, utilizing this repetitive communication in order to bring up other unrelated topics. This is intended to eventually exhaust you into dropping the conversation altogether.” – Louisa Cox

76. “A covert narcissist frequently uses a patronizing and condescending tone to evoke a intense reaction from you. Whilst you become flustered and upset, oftentimes the covert narcissist will remain calm, collected and entirely cool. Of course, this lack of emotional response from the narcissist will also frustrate and enrage you, as it’s designed to do.” – Louisa Cox

77. “A covert narcissist, like most narcissists, have a number of masks that they utilize depending on any given situation. If the narc feels that they are losing power or control, they may feel the need to switch masks in order to regain the upper hand in the situation.” – Louisa Cox

78. “The covert narcissist is an eternal victim. Their behavior, their lies and their cheating ways, when confronted about, tend to always be a result of something traumatic that has happened in their life.” – Louisa Cox

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79. “Because a covert narcissist is never accountable for their behavior, they use excuses as a way to explain their actions. These excuses themselves are enough to drive you insane, but the fact that their words rarely match their behaviors is enough to enrage you.” – Louisa Cox

80. “In a nutshell, it’s very common to have lengthy conversations with a covert narc without it going anywhere at all.” – Louisa Cox

81. “These issues that the covert narc has don’t even need to be real problems, and they are often something that the narcissist has imagined or made up to use against you. ” – Louisa Cox

82. “Narcissistic abuse is just that: abuse. When we endure any form of abuse, we are undeniably left with negative emotional effects, although often we don’t recognize that these negative thoughts and behaviors are a direct result of the abuse we went through. ” – Louisa Cox

83. “Victims of covert narcissism tend to adopt self-destructive thoughts and behaviors. You might find that you ruminate over the things your abuser has said or done, replaying their negative words to you over and over in your head. This then generates a pattern of negative self-talk, which can lead to self-destructive or self-sabotaging behavior.” – Louisa Cox

84. “The covert narcissist programs a negative thought pattern into their victim, leading them down a path of unhealthy self-talk and self-perception.” – Louisa Cox

85. “Covert narcissists are quite often envious of their victims, and anything that makes them feel inferior to their victim will result in them being jealous and bitter. This negative reaction from the abuser regarding their victims’ talents, interests and hobbies conditions the victim to associate these things with resentful and cruel behaviour from the narcissist.” – Louisa Cox

86. “Another very sad, yet prevalent, effect of covert narcissism is where the victim protects their abuser. The victim may even try to deny the abusers behavior so much that they end up gaslighting themselves.” – Louisa Cox

87. “Attention is one of the narcissists biggest desires; even with a covert narcissist, who can appear meek and introverted, you ought to be under no illusion that the craving for attention is still there.” – Louisa Cox

88. “Covert narcissists relish in getting a reaction out of other people. It’s their perverse way of reassuring themselves that they are important, their presence matters, and they have the ability to ‘get to’ people. If you do bite or show emotion when they provoke you, although unintentionally, you’re reinforcing then negative and unhealthy behavior. You’re giving them the reaction they need.” – Louisa Cox

89. “If you find that you’re overwhelmed by the way the covert narcissist makes you feel, remember that you don’t need to be that person who says yes to every demand or meets there every desire. You can choose who you want to be around them, you can choose whether or not you want to be their source of narcissistic supply.” – Louisa Cox

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90. “Whilst covert narcissists can be mean, spiteful, patronizing and can stealthily intimidate people, remember that they do feel inferior and empty on the inside. I’m not saying this to you feel pity for the narcissist, but rather so that you can see them in a more realistic light. If you think about it, it must be quite difficult to be constantly needing that narcissistic supply and craving validation from others all the time.” – Louisa Cox

91. “Covert narcissists are generally quite wounded over their limitations as a person, but this doesn’t excuse they’re abusive or controlling behavior.” – Louisa Cox

92. “Covert narcissists are different from the rest of their kind because they are vulnerable to stress and worry, but that does not make them less dangerous.” – Diana Macey

93.“Covert narcissists are not a big threat to mentally healthy people because such people sense something is wrong and would not let the narcissist exploit them. This is why covert narcissists surround themselves with dysfunction, choose someone they can manipulate for a spouse, and inflict narcissistic wounds they can exploit on their children.” – Diana Macey

94.“Covert narcissists are different than other abusers because they purposefully project a good image of themselves to the outside world. They want to be seen as what society would refer to as ‘good people.’” – Diana Macey

95. “Covert narcissists prey on people with the right weaknesses for them to exploit. This is why the abuse is wrapped in a pretence of care, and they can get people fooled for a very long time.” – Diana Macey

96. “The covert narcissists are chronic abusers who project an image that is outwardly holy and good, when in fact they are anything but.” – Diana Macey

97. “Covert narcissists are passive-aggressive, manipulative, exploitive, and always claiming to be the victim.” – Diana Macey

98. “The worst thing about covert narcissists is that they can get away with the abuse of their children for a very long time, even when the children are adults and have families of their own. The abuse is hidden and subtle, so they cannot be confronted about one thing. It is a lifelong, abusive pattern of behaviour.” – Diana Macey

99. “Covert narcissism is the ultimate abuse of the word ‘good.’ They must be seen as ‘good people,’ you must be a ‘good child’ to serve them. To be ‘good’ in the narcissistic world, you have to betray your own feelings and needs. You have to agree they are great when they are not, that they are right when they are not.” – Diana Macey

100. “Covert narcissists, as the name implies, are very good at hiding their true needy and abusive nature.” – Diana Macey

Who Is The Covert Narcissist?

Covert Narcissist Quotes

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