Self-Improvement

How To Cure Your Jealousy? (5 Ways To Stop Resenting Other People’s Success)

Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies. —NELSON MANDELA

Jealousy is wanting what others have.

Resentment goes farther than that, it’s wanting what others have and wishing they won’t have it anymore.

And while occasional jealousy is normal, resentment isn’t and can be damaging for your physical and emotional health.

People who are resentful usually share some of these signs:

  • They compare their appearance and wealth to others around them.
  • They feel uncomfortable listening to others sharing their success stories.
  • They feel like no matter how hard they try, everyone else seems to be more successful.
  • They find it hard to be around people who make more money than they do.
  • They oftentimes imply to others that they’re doing better than they actually are.
  • They might feel joy when a successful person encounters a misfortune.

This article contains 5 ways to stop resenting other people’s success and cure your jealousy.

Ready? Let’s dive right in!

How To Cure Your Jealousy? (5 Ways To Stop Resenting Other People’s Success)

Why We Resent Other People’s Success.

How To Cure Your Jealousy? (5 Ways To Stop Resenting Other People’s Success)
Photo by Edu Grande on Unsplash

1. A sense of injustice.

Resentment can stem from a feeling of injustice, which is oftentimes, unreal.

For instance, people might feel like it’s not fair for other people to make so much money while they’re struggling to make ends meet.

Some people would even blame successful people for making them feel less than successful.

2. Deep-rooted insecurities.

Resentment can also be the result of someone’s deep-rooted insecurities.

It’s hard to feel happy for someone’s accomplishments when you feel bad about yourself.

Others’ success seems to only magnify your shortcomings.

3. Not knowing what you want.

It’s easy to resent what others have when you don’t know what you want yourself.

For instance, you might look at someone who has a job that requires traveling all the time and think, he’s so lucky, and wish to do that.

At the same time, you might wish for the lifestyle of someone else who operates a home-based business that prevents him from traveling and you think to yourself “I want that”, even though the two lifestyles you’re wishing for are conflicting.

It’s easy to overlook what these people invest of their time, money, and energy to get the result you’re envying them for.

It’s easy to look at a professional model and say “I wish I could do that”.

But do you really? Do you wish your entire income came solely from your appearance which will decline as you age? Do you really wish you could give up eating the food you love so you can stay in shape?

Related: Your North Star: How to Find Your Life Purpose and Passion?

The Problem With Resenting Other People’s Success

Credit: Pexels

Resentment can easily interfere with all areas of your life, making it hard for you to enjoy your life.

Below are some problems resentment can cause:

1- You stop focusing on your own path of success. 

The more time and energy you direct toward resenting someone’s success, the less time and energy you have to devote to your own goals.

Focusing on others’ achievements will slow down your own progress.

2- You’ll never be content with what you have. 

If you’re always trying to get ahead of everyone else, you’ll never be satisfied with what you have.

There will always be someone out there who has more money, who is more attractive, who is more popular and so on.

3- You may lose sight of your own values. 

It’s hard to stay true to your values when you feel resentful.

Resentment can lead people to behave in desperate manners they normally wouldn’t like going into debt to keep up with others, or outright lying about your accomplishments to prove your worth.

4- Unhealthy relationships. 

It’s hard to maintain a healthy relationship with someone you resent.

Even when hidden under a fake smile, resentment is bound to surface through sarcasm and irritability.

How To Cure Your Jealousy?

How To Cure Your Jealousy? (5 Ways To Stop Resenting Other People’s Success)
Photo by Stefan Spassov on Unsplash

#1. Change Your Circumstances. 

If you’re not feeling good about yourself, then it’s a sign that maybe you need to change something.

Examine the reasons that might make you feel unsatisfied about yourself, and figure out what can be done differently to bring your behavior in line with your values and goals in life.

#2. Change Your Attitude.

If you’re already behaving in a manner that is in line with your values and goals in life, and yet you still feel resentful toward other people’s success, then you need to consider shifting any irrational thoughts that are interfering with your ability to accept others’ success and feel happy for them.

Try these strategies to change your thoughts:

– Don’t compare yourself to others. Everyone has his own unique set of skills and life experiences, and comparing yourself to others is never the accurate meter to measure your self-worth.

Instead, compare yourself now to who you used to be in the past and measure how you’re growing as a person.

– Stop focusing on your weaknesses. When you focus on the things you don’t have or can’t do, you start resenting others who have these things.

Instead, focus on your abilities and strengths.

– Stop magnifying others’ strengths. It’s easy for us to overlook others’ weaknesses and insecurities and magnify their strengths.

However, no matter how great they seem to be doing, they too have weaknesses and problems you wouldn’t envy them for.

– Be aware of your stereotypes. You never know what goes on behind closed doors.

Get to know people before deciding how perfect their life is or whether or not they deserve their success.

– Don’t belittle others’ accomplishments. When someone is successful, you feel tempted to insult their accomplishments simply to feel better about your shortcomings.

Don’t fall into that trap. Instead, feel happy for them whether you think they deserved it or not.

– Stop trying to determine what’s fair. Sometimes people cheat to get ahead and sometimes people become famous by chance, but oftentimes, people work hard to earn their success.

It’s not your job to judge what’s fair and what’s not.

Instead, devote your time and energy to reach your goals and lead a life that is in line with your values.

Related: How to Get Past Self-Pity For Good? (6 Ways to Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself )

#3. Focus On Cooperation Rather Than Competition.

Couples who keep scores are viewing each other as competitors.

They’re focused on trying to win rather than having a healthy relationship. Instead of building something together and living as a team, they’re beating each other up.

Whether it was a spouse, a friend, a co-worker, a neighbor… stop viewing them as competitors and see what you can learn from their success.

Being surrounded by successful people shouldn’t be a reason to feel less successful.

Quite the opposite, it’s an opportunity for you to learn and grow as a person.

Eventually, you’ll find yourself becoming more successful as you start learning how successful people think.

#4. Create Your Own Definition Of Success.

Money is one of the most common definitions people have for success. But there is more to success.

Maybe you feel good about yourself when you’re surrounded by healthy, nurturing relationships. Maybe your definition of success in life is in being able to give back to the community through your skills and knowledge.

If money isn’t your definition for success, it should be easier for you to resist resenting someone who’s able to earn a lot of money.

Don’t just live according to someone else’s definition of success. Find your own definition of success and live according to it.

To find your own definition ask yourself the following question “What are my biggest accomplishments in life?”

Do you consider making money your biggest accomplishment in your life? Is it the family you built? Or is it the difference you made?

When you’re tempted to resent someone else’s accomplishment, remember your own definition of success and remind yourself that everyone’s path to success is different and that your own journey is unique and can’t be compared to someone else’s.

#5. Practice Celebrating Others’ Accomplishments.

Once you figure out your own definition of success, and after addressing your own insecurities, start feeling happy for others’ success. Congratulate them and wish them more success.

It’s hard to resist feeling resentful when you’re struggling in life while those around you are doing well.

It takes hard work and persistence to be able to focus on your goals and feel happy for others’ accomplishments.

Did I miss anything?

Now I’d like to hear from you.

Which techniques from today’s post are you going to try first?

Or maybe I didn’t mention one of your favorite techniques.

Either way, let me know by leaving a comment below right now!

Wondering what to read next?

Portions of this article were adapted from the book 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do, © 2013 by Amy Morin. All rights reserved.

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How To Cure Your Jealousy? (5 Ways To Stop Resenting Other People’s Success)
How To Cure Your Jealousy? (5 Ways To Stop Resenting Other People’s Success)

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