This post contains a list of things narcissistic mothers say.
Who Is The Narcissist Mother?
The following are signs a mother could be a narcissist:
1. She is always the center of attention and wants everything to be about her.
2. She belittles or criticizes your accomplishments and dismisses your feelings.
3. She uses guilt to control and manipulate you into doing what she wants.
4. She has a strong need for admiration and will do whatever it takes to get it.
5. She is possessive and jealous of your relationships with other people.
6. She may have little empathy or concern for your feelings and needs.
7. She may be emotionally unpredictable and inconsistent.
8. She may view you as an extension of herself, rather than as an individual with your own thoughts and feelings.
9. She may have unrealistic expectations of you and may be critical when you fail to meet them.
10. She may have a sense of entitlement and believe that she deserves special treatment.
Related: Healing From A Narcissistic Abuse By A Parent – 7 Practical Strategies
Things Narcissistic Mothers Say
1. Belittling Remarks
Narcissistic mothers often make belittling remarks to their children to maintain control and power over them.
Here are some examples of belittling remarks made by narcissistic mothers:
1. “You’re so stupid, you can’t do anything right.”
2. “You always disappoint me. I don’t know why I even bother trying with you.”
3. “You’re so selfish. You never think about anyone but yourself.”
4. “You’re just like your father. They were a terrible person too.”
5. “I can’t believe how ugly you’ve become. You used to be so cute.”
6. “You’re too sensitive. You need to toughen up.”
7. “Why can’t you be more like [sibling/friend]? They’re so much better than you.”
8. “You’re not good enough. Maybe if you tried harder, you could be like [successful person].”
9. “You’re always causing problems. I don’t know how I’m going to deal with you.”
10. “You’re worthless. I wish I had never had you.”
Related: Top 10 Tips For Setting Boundaries With Narcissistic Parents
How These Comments Can Affect Children’s Mental Health?
When adults use hurtful language or negative comments to criticize children, it can leave them feeling embarrassed, ashamed, and worthless.
Children who are constantly criticized may develop a negative self-image, low confidence, and may struggle to believe in themselves.
Children who experience belittling remarks may also begin to question their abilities and become hesitant to try new things out of fear of failure or being judged. This can cause them to miss out on important opportunities for growth and development.
The effects of belittling can extend beyond childhood and into adulthood, affecting how individuals interact with others and view themselves.
Related: Top 5 Reasons Why Narcissists Target Empaths – & How to Starve The Narcissist of Supply
2. Unrealistic Expectations
Narcissists often have unrealistic expectations of their children because they see their children as extensions of themselves, rather than as independent individuals with their own thoughts and feelings.
They may also have a need for their children to reflect positively on them and their achievements, as this can boost their own ego and self-esteem.
Here are some examples of unrealistic expectations narcissistic mothers can have for their children:
1. “You should always look perfect and presentable, even if it means sacrificing other things.”
2. “You need to be the best in everything you do, or else you’re a failure.”
3. “Your worth is determined by your achievements and accomplishments.”
4. “You shouldn’t have any flaws or weaknesses.”
5. “You should always prioritize my needs and wants over your own.”
6. “You should never question my authority.”
7. “You should always be grateful for everything I do for you.”
8. “You should always follow my instructions without hesitation or questioning.”
9. “You should never disagree with me or challenge me on anything.”
10. “You should be able to read my mind and know what I want without me having to tell you.”
11. “You should always put up with my abusive behavior because I’m your mother.”
12. “You should always cater to my mood swings and emotional instability.”
13. “You should always do things my way, even if it doesn’t make sense to you.”
14. “You should never have any opinions or beliefs that contradict mine.”
15. “You should always make me look good in front of others.”
16. “You should always strive to live up to my expectations, no matter how impossible they may seem.”
17. “You should always sacrifice your own happiness and well-being for my sake.”
18. “You should always be available to me whenever I need you, regardless of your own schedule or priorities.”
19. “You should always take responsibility for my mistakes and shortcomings.”
20. “You should never move on from me or establish healthy boundaries, because I am your mother.”
Related: When A Narcissist Sees You Cry: Top 13 Reactions You May Be Familiar With
How These Expectations Can Affect Children’s Mental Health?
Children who are expected to meet unrealistic standards may develop a sense of inadequacy and failure.
They may feel that they are not good enough or that they cannot live up to others’ expectations, leading to low self-esteem.
Unrealistic expectations can also cause children to feel anxious and stressed as they strive to meet these high standards.
This pressure can be overwhelming for some children, leading to physical and emotional symptoms such as fatigue, headaches, and depression.
Children who are expected to achieve high goals may fear failure and avoid taking risks.
They may either become perfectionists and struggle with making mistakes, which can limit their learning and growth, or they may feel like they cannot meet unrealistic expectations may give up or become disengaged from their goals.
Related: Are You A Victim of Narcissistic Abuse Quiz
3. Blaming Children For Their Problems
Narcissistic mothers often blame their children for their problems to avoid taking responsibility for their own actions and shortcomings. They may project their own negative traits onto their children and make them feel guilty for things they had no control over.
Here are some examples of things narcissistic mothers say to blame their children for their problems:
1. “If you weren’t so difficult, I wouldn’t have to deal with this.”
2. “You’re the reason I’m stressed all the time.”
3. “You never appreciate anything I do for you.”
4. “If only you were more like your sibling, things would be easier.”
5. “You’re always causing problems for me.”
6. “You don’t understand how hard I work to support this family.”
7. “Your behavior is embarrassing and reflects poorly on me.”
8. “I can’t believe I have to deal with this because of you.”
9. “If you didn’t act out, I wouldn’t have to discipline you.”
10. “You’re so ungrateful for everything I’ve provided for you.”
11. “I can’t handle your attitude anymore.”
12. “Why do you have to make things so difficult for me?”
13. “Your behavior is making me look like a bad parent.”
14. “If it wasn’t for you, I could have a successful career.”
15. “You’re always making me late for important events.”
16. “You’re so selfish and never think about anyone else.”
17. “I can’t believe how much you’re costing me with your behavior.”
18. “If you weren’t so lazy, you could help me around the house.”
19. “You’re making me regret having children.”
20. “Everything bad that happens is because of you.”
Related: The Narcissist’s Prayer Explained
How These Comments Can Affect Children’s Mental Health?
When a narcissistic mother blames her child for her own problems, it can undermine the child’s sense of self-worth and lead to a distorted self-image.
The child may feel responsible for their mother’s emotional well-being, and this can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and inadequacy. This can also create a cycle of codependency that can be difficult to break.
Furthermore, the constant criticism, blame, and manipulation can cause long-term damage to the child’s emotional and psychological development.
Children may grow up with an inability to establish healthy relationships, trust others, or set boundaries for themselves. This can lead to difficulty with intimacy, low self-confidence, and a lack of assertiveness in adult life.
4. Invalidating Feelings
Narcissistic mothers may invalidate the feelings of their children because they see their own needs and desires as more important than their children’s.
Narcissists have a distorted sense of self, which can make it difficult for them to empathize with others. When a child expresses their emotions, a narcissistic mother may see it as a threat to their own sense of control and may respond with dismissive or critical comments.
Here are some examples of things narcissistic mothers say to invalidate their children’s feelings:
1. “I know what’s best for you.”
2. “You’re overreacting again.”
3. “Stop being so sensitive.”
4. “That’s not a big deal, just get over it.”
5. “You should be grateful for what you have.”
6. “Stop being dramatic.”
7. “I don’t have time for your emotional outbursts.”
8. “You’re too young to understand.”
9. “You’re just seeking attention.”
10. “You’re being selfish about this.”
11. “You should focus on the positive, not the negative.”
12. “Why can’t you just be happy?”
13. “It’s not that bad, stop making it seem worse than it is.”
14. “Don’t be ridiculous, that’s not even worth getting upset about.”
15. “You’re just being difficult on purpose.”
16. “You’re always so negative and pessimistic.”
17. “I don’t want to hear about your problems right now.”
18. “You’re too emotional and irrational.”
19. “Just ignore it, it’ll go away on its own.”
20. “Stop trying to make me feel guilty.”
Related: 10 Signs of Gaslighting (+FREE Worksheets)
How These Comments Can Affect Children’s Mental Health?
When a child’s feelings are invalidated, they may feel like their emotions are not important or valued. This can lead to feelings of low self-worth, self-doubt, and mistrust of their own feelings.
Over time, this can cause anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues.
Children who have their feelings invalidated may also struggle with regulating their emotions.
They may not know how to express themselves in healthy ways or how to cope with difficult emotions. This can lead to outbursts, withdrawal, and other behavioral problems.
Related: How To Turn The Tables On A Gaslighter?
5. Manipulation
Narcissistic parents often use manipulative phrases to control and guilt-trip their children.
Here are some common examples:
1. “I sacrificed so much for you, you owe me.”
2. “You’re just like your lazy/irresponsible father/mother.”
3. “You’re so ungrateful, I do everything for you.”
4. “If you really loved me, you would…”
5. “I’ll never forgive you if you don’t do as I say.”
6. “You’re hurting me by not doing what I want.”
7. “I’m your mother, respect me.”
8. “You’re the reason why I’m unhappy.”
9. “Stop being so selfish and think of me for once.”
10. “I gave birth to you, you owe me your loyalty.”
Related: Top 38 Toxic Narcissistic Mother Quotes That Will Help You Feel Seen
How These Comments Can Affect Children’s Mental Health?
Manipulative comments can lead to feelings of confusion, low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and even suicidal thoughts.
The child may begin to internalize these negative messages and develop a deep sense of shame or guilt. This can lead to feelings of worthlessness, self-blame, and depression.
Strategies For Dealing With A Narcissistic Mother
Dealing with a narcissistic mother can be challenging, but there are some strategies you can use to help cope with the situation:
1. Set boundaries: It is important to establish clear boundaries with your mother and let her know what behavior is unacceptable.
2. Limit contact: If your mother’s behavior is causing you significant distress, it may be necessary to limit your contact with her or cut ties completely.
3. Seek support: Don’t be afraid to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist. Having someone to talk to can help you process your feelings and develop coping skills.
4. Practice self-care: Focus on taking care of yourself physically and emotionally. This could involve eating a healthy diet, getting regular exercise, meditating, or engaging in other activities that bring you joy.
5. Stay calm: When interacting with a narcissistic parent, it’s important to remain calm and avoid becoming defensive or emotional. This can help prevent arguments and ensure that the conversation remains productive.
Related: Is My Mother A Narcissist Quiz
Conclusion
Dealing with a narcissistic mother can be challenging, but it’s important to prioritize your own well-being and do what’s best for yourself.
FAQ
How does having a narcissistic mother affect a person?
Having a narcissistic mother can have profound effects on an individual’s emotional, psychological, and social well-being.
Children of narcissistic mothers often experience low self-esteem, feelings of inadequacy, difficulty establishing healthy boundaries, and challenges in forming and maintaining healthy relationships.
Can a narcissistic mother change their behavior?
While it is possible for individuals with narcissistic traits or NPD to seek therapy and work on changing their behavior, it is important to note that true change requires genuine insight, dedication, and consistent effort over an extended period.
It is crucial to set realistic expectations when it comes to the potential for change in narcissistic individuals.
Related: Top 25 Tips On How To Set Boundaries In A Toxic Relationship? (+FREE Worksheets PDF)
Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with a narcissistic mother?
Building a healthy relationship with a narcissistic mother can be extremely difficult.
It often requires setting clear boundaries, managing expectations, and prioritizing self-care.
However, it is essential to recognize that not all narcissistic mothers are capable of or interested in change, and in such cases, minimizing contact or ending the relationship may be necessary for one’s well-being.
Can a narcissistic mother love her children?
While some narcissistic mothers may genuinely care for their children, their love is often conditional and intertwined with their own needs for attention, control, or validation.
They may struggle with providing consistent emotional support or empathizing with their children’s experiences.
Related: Codependency And Enmeshment: 9 Signs You May Be In An Enmeshed Relationship
How can I protect my own children from a narcissistic grandmother?
Protecting your children from a narcissistic grandmother involves setting clear boundaries, limiting exposure to toxic behaviors, and educating your children about healthy relationships and self-worth.
It may also be helpful to provide a safe and nurturing environment where open communication is encouraged.
