This post contains some of the best fights in a relationship quotes.
Fights In A Relationship Quotes
1. “…it’s not just the screaming fights that damage your relationship. It’s the sarcasm, the put-downs, and the name-calling. It’s the body language of hostility, the folded arms and clenched jaw. After each interaction, you feel more alienated. Your anger, hurt, and disappointment grow.” –Matthew McKay
2. “…the culprit is not what you were fighting about but how you were fighting.” – John M. Gottman
3. “After tracking the lives of happily married couples for as long as twenty years, I now know that the key to reviving or divorce-proofing a relationship is not simply how you handle your disagreements but how you engage with each other when you’re not fighting” – John M. Gottman
Related: Retroactive Jealousy Test (+Top 9 Tips On How To Deal With Retroactive Jealousy?)
4. “After watching countless videotapes of couples fighting, I can guarantee you that most quarrels are really not about whether the toilet lid is up or down or whose turn it is to take out the trash. There are deeper, hidden issues that fuel these superficial conflicts and make them far more intense and hurtful than they would otherwise be.” – John M. Gottman
5. “Arguments are healthy. They clear the air.” – Unknown
6. “Ok! You win the argument, now can we love?” – Unknown
7. “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.”- Phyllis Diller
8. “It’s amazing how far the arguments can go.”- Patrick Doyle
9. “I’d rather lose an argument to you than lose you to an argument.” – Unknown
10. “A relationship with no arguments is a relationship with a lot of secrets.” – Unknown
Related: Top 7 Tips On How To Create A Conscious Relationship Using ACT
11. “When I fight with you, I’m really fighting for us. If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t bother.” – Unknown
12. “Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.”- Rumi
13. “Don’t worry when I argue with you, worry when I stop because it means there’s nothing left for us to fight for.” – Unknown
14. “He who establishes his argument by noise and command shows that his reason is weak.”- Michel de Montaigne
15. “I can’t promise you a perfect relationship without arguments and differences. But I can promise you as long as you’re trying, I’m staying.” – Unknown
16. “Couples simply have different styles of conflict. Some avoid fights at all costs, some argue a lot, and some are able to talk out their differences and find a compromise without ever raising their voices. No one style is necessarily better than another—as long as the style works for both people” – John M. Gottman
Related: How To Save Your Marriage When You Feel Hopeless? (+FREE Worksheets PDF)
17. “I’m not suggesting that validation, active listening, and “I statements” are useless. They can be enormously helpful when attempting to resolve conflicts. In fact, I often recommend them to couples in a modified format with specific guidelines, as you’ll see later in the book. But here’s the catch: even if they do make your fights “better” or less frequent, these strategies are not enough to save your marriage.” – John M. Gottman
18. “Only 40 percent of the time do couples divorce because they are having frequent, devastating fights. More often marriages end because, to avoid constant skirmishes, husband and wife distance themselves so much that their friendship and sense of connection are lost.” – John M. Gottman
19. “Taking a time-out is a vital skill for keeping fights from escalating into verbal or physical abuse. It’s perhaps the single most useful strategy for stopping violence and the battering syndrome. Key to the effective use of a time-out is to evoke it before tempers flare out of control, and before the fight reaches a point where each person is focused on hitting back and getting even.” – Matthew McKay
20. “We spend the week catching up, dreaming together, and, yes, sometimes fighting and clearing the air over any issues we had ignored due to busy-ness. It is always romantic, magical, and special.” – John M. Gottman
21. “When most couples find themselves in a conflict (whether it gets played out as a short spat, an all-out screaming match, or stony silence), they each gird themselves to win the fight. They become so focused on how hurt they feel, on proving that they’re right and their spouse is wrong, or on keeping up a cold shoulder, that the lines of communication may be overcome by static or shut down altogether.” – John M. Gottman
22. “The cause of the fight, consequently, is not the words or deeds per se, but the meaning that the partner attaches to them. The meaning, of course, is not apparent to the offending partner, who often believes that the spouse “should have known better.”” – Aaron T. Beck, MD
23. “As differences in viewpoint become pronounced, a spouse’s image starts to change; he or she may assume the specter of a foe, representing a serious threat. Then, even a small disagreement can easily escalate into a fight. The partners may disparage each other with thoughts or statements such as “You’re contradicting me just to put me down,” “What do you know about it?” or “You’re just plain dumb.” They fail to realize that their own point of view may be just as biased as that of their partner, and that they appear to be equally thickheaded or self-serving. This combination of egocentricity and intolerance easily leads to arguments that wound and seem incapable of resolution.” – Aaron T. Beck, MD
24. “Partners in a conflicted marriage may, for instance, declare that they are doing more than their share: they fight over who should do the marketing or wash the dishes or put the children to bed. Underneath this kind of squabbling lies a medley of attitudes, concerns, and fears that feed into the conflict.” – Aaron T. Beck, MD
25. “Even when partners mean to be kind to each other, such silent thoughts can undermine their intentions, producing angry misunderstandings. Many fights between spouses start because tacit expectations are thwarted. Since the mates do not realize the actual source of the problem, they attribute their discomfort to some negative qualities in their partner rather than to a mismatch in their expectations. Because of their disappointment, they have negative thoughts about the other (“She’s going to lay a trip on me”; “He should be supportive”) that spur them to scold the mate. The attack brings a counterattack, thus confirming the negative image each has of the other.” – Aaron T. Beck, MD
26. “Our self-protective instincts are primed for safety, making us ready to either fight or withdraw in the service of self-preservation.” – Donna Hicks, Ph.D.
Related: Top 25 Tips On How To Set Boundaries In A Toxic Relationship? (+FREE Worksheets PDF)
27. “Imagine a pair of buck deer squared off for a fight, stamping their feet, frothing at the mouth, growling at each other, eyes bulging, and then attacking head-on. Now compare this scene with a couple engaged in a shouting match. Their fists are clenched, teeth bared, spittles of saliva on the corners of their mouths, bodies poised for attack. All systems are “go.” Although they are not clutching at each other’s throats, it is easy to see from the tension in their muscles that their bodies are mobilized as though for a struggle to the death.” – Aaron T. Beck, MD
28. “If a husband, for example, tells his wife that she is neglecting the children, she might accept the truth of his charge, reproach herself, and feel bad. But, by automatically fighting back and counterattacking before the criticism can “sink in,” she discredits him and, consequently, the validity of his criticism. The cost, however, is that meaningful communication and problem solving are cut off: if there is some truth to what her husband says, she will never take the time to reflect on it; if he is wrong, she will fail to set him straight.” – Aaron T. Beck, MD
29. “When some expression of hostility is justified, we may become so angry that we actually could fight to the death—even though we limit ourselves to scolding or name calling. Such total mobilization in a marital fight so far exceeds what is called for that it prompts the calmer partner to discredit the other as “hysterical” or “irrational,” or to retreat in fear.” – Aaron T. Beck, MD
Related: Emotional Intimacy Test (+13 Tips On How To Increase Emotional Intimacy In A Relationship?)
30. “When couples get into a fight, a progression is established: first, they perceive having been wronged in some way; next, they become angry; then, they feel impelled to attack; and, finally, they attack. This sequence can be disrupted at any stage: thoughts of being abused may be corrected; feelings of anger can be dispelled; and the impulse to attack can be suppressed.” – Aaron T. Beck, MD
31. “As part of the primitive fight-flight response, hostility is rooted in the most fundamental survival mechanisms. But in modern life, and particularly in modern marriage, acting on that primitive urge can be destructive to relationships. Despite the imperative nature of anger and the pressure to relieve it by carrying out a hostile act against the offender, we need not yield to the urge to attack. Over the course of time, anger dies down, and with it the desire to strike out.” – Aaron T. Beck, MD
32. “Most people know what it feels like to want to end a relationship or, at the very least, to walk out the door in the middle of a heated argument with a partner. That is the flee survival response taking hold; we want to pull out of the relationship in order to protect ourselves. When our protective instincts instruct us to fight, our tendency to befriend and to connect takes a back seat. We are pulled to denigrate the other person and perhaps to seek revenge. Instinctively, then, we want to eliminate the threat by either withdrawing from the relationship or fighting back. Both options disconnect us.” – Donna Hicks, Ph.D.
Related: Do We Need Couples Therapy Quiz
33. “But even though the partner may indeed have malevolent intentions during a fight, it does not follow that he or she is a malicious person.” – Aaron T. Beck, MD
34. “While fighting may be adaptive in the wild, in contemporary life our survival is almost never at stake. Moreover, we are perfectly able to adopt a civilized veneer in public, even when angry. Unfortunately, however, domestic violence is more common than any other kind in our society. We are often unable—or unwilling—to exercise control with our spouse.” – Aaron T. Beck, MD
35. “The logic that leads us to inflict more pain than we have received is responsible for the escalation of fights. The expression “violence breeds violence,” which is often applied to relations between groups and nations, holds equally well for interpersonal relations. The expression of hostility by one person is, in itself, a very powerful, almost inevitable, activator of hostility in the other. Since each expression of hostility is likely to provoke an even greater degree of retaliation, what starts as a simple exchange of criticisms can eventually grow into an exchange of blows—even in a loving couple.” – Aaron T. Beck, MD
Related: Best 10 Books For Couples
36. “Fights are aggravated by the fact that as the partners assume contrary positions, their perspectives of each other and of the problem tend to be strongly polarized; thus, mild differences become charged into seemingly polar opposites. To resolve differences, it is helpful to pinpoint what kind of conflict is at work.” – Aaron T. Beck, MD
37. “Some couples who have much in common, who are tender and loving when not fighting, flare up nonetheless when they have to make fairly simple decisions, such as arranging time together. They may be living by such rigid —though unspoken—rules that any resolution of their conflicts seems impossible.” – Aaron T. Beck, MD
38. “It takes great strength to fight the impulse to save face. Very few people want to admit that they have done something wrong. The fear of looking bad in the eyes of others and the fear of losing dignity are nearly insurmountable.” – Donna Hicks, Ph.D.
Related: Top 25 Relationship Journal Prompts (+FREE Worksheets PDF)
39. “Many couples find it useful to set aside a specific time for discussing issues or problems. It is probably best to bring up just one or two problems at the first session lest you swamp your mate and start an unproductive, knockdown-drag-out fight.” – Aaron T. Beck, MD
40. “Another seeming “advantage” of expressing anger is the release of tension. After a good fight, both partners may feel relatively relaxed and be able to engage in more friendly, even erotic, activities. Still, the cost of fighting can be great; both partners may harbor memories of harsh words or even blows for years to come.” – Aaron T. Beck, MD
41. “When they are engaged in a fight, spouses almost always see their mate as responsible for the problem. However, in systematic research, assessments by an impartial judge indicate that although the spouses believe that their mate is difficult, derelict, or antagonistic—and that they are the injured ones —both parties contribute to the arguments.” – Aaron T. Beck, MD
42. “You will have to decide for yourself whether, on balance, your marital fights are worthwhile. Remember that you do have options: you can choose to express your anger or not to express it at all. If you decide on the former, you can also choose how you express the anger. If expressed in a way that simply communicates that you are upset or troubled by your spouse’s behavior, the anger will have fewer costs than if it is meant to threaten or humiliate your spouse.” – Aaron T. Beck, MD
Related: Relationship Red Flags Quiz
FREE Printable Relationship Worksheets (PDF)
How to Stop Fighting In a Relationship?
1. Communicate effectively: It’s important to communicate your needs and feelings with your partner in a calm and respectful manner. Listen actively to what they have to say and try to understand their perspective.
2. Take a break: If things get too heated, take a break to cool off and gather your thoughts. This will prevent saying something hurtful that you may regret later.
3. Compromise: Relationships are about give and take. Try to find a middle ground that works for both of you.
4. Focus on the issue at hand: Don’t bring up past issues or unrelated topics. Stay focused on the matter at hand.
5. Practice active listening: When communicating with your partner, make sure you give them your full attention and listen actively. This means reflecting on what they say and trying to understand their perspective without interrupting or getting defensive.
6. Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements: Instead of blaming your partner for something that’s bothering you, use “I” statements to express how their behavior is affecting you. For example, say, “I feel frustrated when this happens” instead of “You always do this.”
7. Practice empathy: Put yourself in your partner’s shoes and try to see things from their perspective. This can help you understand their feelings and motivations and prevent misunderstandings.
8. Practice forgiveness: Holding grudges can lead to resentment and further conflict. Practice forgiveness and let go of any resentment.
9. Seek outside help: Sometimes it can be helpful to seek outside help from a therapist or counselor who can guide you in resolving issues in your relationship.
Conclusion
Fighting in a relationship is a common issue that many couples face.
When disagreements arise, they often lead to arguments and fights.
These conflicts can cause a lot of stress and negatively impact communication and emotions between partners.
It’s important to remember that disagreements are natural and should be approached with patience and understanding.
Couples who take the time to listen to each other’s perspectives and calmly express their own can often find a resolution that works for both parties.
It’s also important to recognize when discussions are becoming too heated and take a break to cool off before continuing the conversation.
