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Self-Improvement

10 Steps to Completely Transform Yourself In 2021

It’s everyone’s responsibility to get clear about what makes us happy and what makes us feel the most alive.

And then creating it instead of finding excuses why we can’t have it.

To do this, all your need is to go from wanting to change your life to deciding to change your life.

This means to go from sitting on the couch to going after your dreams pushing past your fears, and doing whatever it takes to make these dreams a reality.

In this article, you’re going to break through obstacles, discover your hidden potential, and start living the life of your dreams.

Ready? Let’s jump right in!

How You Got Stuck?

From the moment you started exploring your new world, you started receiving messages from people around you about the way things are, about how you are, and how you should be (e.g. you’re too fat, going to college is important, art isn’t a real career, etc.).

However, many of these beliefs have nothing to do with what is actually true.

Here’s how things work: we have a conscious mind and a subconscious mind.

The Conscious Mind

The conscious mind, otherwise known as our frontal lobe, acts like an overachiever, relentlessly jumping from thought to thought, resting only when we sleep. It’s where we process all our information. Where we analyze, criticize, decide, remember where we left the car keys, etc.

However, the conscious mind doesn’t fully develop until sometime around puberty.

The Subconscious Mind

On the other hand, our subconscious mind is fully developed the moment we arrive here on earth. It’s the non-analytical part of our brain. It’s all about feelings and instincts. It’s also where we store all the early outside information we receive.

The subconscious mind has no filter to distinguish between what’s true and what’s not true. It believes everything.

Subconscious Beliefs

As little kids, because the conscious part of our brains hasn’t fully formed yet, we believe everything and accept it as the “truth”, otherwise known as our “beliefs”.

For example, maybe you were raised by a family that struggled with money, and you grew up hearing your parents complain about how money is scarce, how money doesn’t grow on trees. In this case, your subconscious mind might have developed beliefs such as “Money is unavailable” and “It’s money’s fault that I was abandoned by my father.”

As an adult, consciously you would love nothing more than making money and being wealthy, but you either won’t let yourself have money or you would let yourself make money but you keep losing it so you can avoid being abandoned.

Related: How Rich People Think 21 Difference Between Rich People & Average People

“We are, for the most part, completely oblivious to these subconscious beliefs that run our lives.”

In other words, we think that our conscious mind is in control when it’s the subconscious mind that is in control.

This is why it’s important to become aware of any negative beliefs and replace them with positive ones.

Related : How To Reprogram Your Mind For Great Success

How to Reach Your Full Potential?

Step #1. Love Yourself

When you start loving yourself, you stop feeling threatened by other people’s opinions and you become able to accept yourself fully.

The following are some of the best ways to love yourself:

1. Appreciate How Special You Are

You are living life according to your own unique path. You were given special talents and gifts to share with the world. You have created your own unique reality with your own unique thoughts.

No one will think your thoughts the way you think them, and no one will ever be exactly like you. You’re special.

2. Drown Yourself In Affirmations

Affirmations are one of the best techniques to rewire your brain and train it to think positively. Even if you don’t believe these affirmations, repeating them over and over again will make you believe.

Choose some affirmations and repeat them all day long. Write them on Post-it notes and stick them around your house.

The following are some examples of self-love affirmations:

• My heart is open. Love pours in and out.

• I am worthy of infinite compassion.

• My body is beautiful and expresses my spirit.

3. Do Things You Love

Make yourself a priority.

No matter how busy you are, always make time to do the things you love. It can be anything from a weekend getaway to reading a book for a writer you love.

It’s about being proactive about creating a life you love instead of being stuck with one you don’t love. It’s about being generous with yourself and giving yourself the gift of a joyous life.

LIST OF PLEASURABLE ACTIVITIES

4. Ditch The Self-Deprecating Humor

Self-deprecating humor can be funny, but incessant self-deprecating humor can make you believe you are a loser. It’s like hitting yourself over and over again.

Why would anyone do that?

What you tell yourself on a daily basis is more powerful than you think. Seemingly harmless humor, over time, can turn into destructive beliefs.

5. Don’t Compare Yourself to Others

Comparison is the fastest way to bring yourself down.

It doesn’t matter what other people are doing or how far they’ve come. Everyone works at his own pace. Everyone is unique, and no uniqueness is better than the other.

6. Forgive Yourself

Mistakes provide much-needed lessons that we couldn’t have learned otherwise. There’s no shame in making mistakes, so learn your lesson and get over it.

Dragging around guilt and self-criticism won’t make you a better person, just a sadder one.

Related: How to Start Loving Yourself Again? 7 Ways to Start Self Love Journey

Step #2. Know Yourself

“The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.” – Nathaniel Branden

The path to personal growth starts with acknowledging who you are and accepting yourself before you can start building.

You can know more about yourself by asking these questions:

Do I like what I’m doing now?

Many people don’t like what they do for a living.

They do it simply out of the necessity of having to make a living, or out of fear of uncertainty and the fear that they might not find anything better.

There’s definitely a risk in changing what you’re currently doing. You might fail or you might take a pay cut.

But which risk you would rather live with, the risk of failure, or the risk of coming to the end of your life with regrets that you never did what you love?

What would I like to do?

Passion gives you an advantage over others. It gives you energy.

You’re more likely to succeed and reach your potential doing something you’re passionate about than doing something you’re merely interested in.

If you don’t know what you really love to do yet, keep searching, because once you find it, you’ll bring something extra to your work that will guarantee your success.

Can I do What I like to do?

There’s a big difference between having a dream that drives you to achieve and “pulling an idea out of thin air” that doesn’t align with who you are and what you can do.

You need to know the difference between what you want and what you’re good at. Your dream should also be aligned with your values and priorities in life.

Finding your desire is the result of knowing yourself including knowing your values, priorities, what drives you in life, what gives you satisfaction most, your abilities and talents…

Related: 7 Signs You Haven’t Found Your Purpose Yet

Step #3. Don’t Care About What Other People Think

This is not just about denying criticism, but it’s also about not getting caught up in the praise. Your self-worth isn’t based on what everyone else thinks of you. Don’t depend on a source outside yourself for validation.

So how can you truly stop caring what other people think and be your most powerful Self?

Related: How to Overcome People Pleasing for Good?

1. Be Honest With Yourself

Make it a habit to consciously examine what you do or say and ask yourself, “Why Am I about to do or say this? Is it to be liked? To put someone down because I’m feeling insecure? Or is it coming from a place of strength and truth?”

By bringing awareness to your motivations, you start acting and talking from a place of integrity.

2. Always Do Your Best

We fall prey to outside validation when we’re feeling insecure. And nothing can make us more insecure like knowing that put little care and effort in doing something, or not believing in what we’re doing.

Whatever it is that you’re doing, make sure you do your best and you do it from a place of integrity.

3. Find A Temporary Role Model

Not caring what others think is a habit that takes time to build up. By finding a mentor or a role model, when faced with a challenge, you give yourself a clear answer to the question “What would my hero do?”

Soon enough, you’ll be able to ditch your role model and start asking yourself instead “What Would I do?”

4. Love Yourself

Unconditionally and no matter what everyone else thinks.

Not caring about what others think is a skill worth acquiring. But that doesn’t mean that you should miss out on the opportunity to benefit from outside input altogether.

You need to consider constructive criticism and constructive complimenting, especially when they come from those who love you and know you well. It’s an opportunity for personal growth.

Related: Recovering People Pleaser: 5 Ways To Stop Being The Nice Guy (And Get What You Want In Life And Love)


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Step #4. Get Clear On Who You Are And What Your Calling Is

Getting clear about what your calling is will make your life happier and more fulfilling.

Each one of us has talents and gifts to share with the world. Only when you share what you were brought here to give, that you are in alignment with your highest self.

The following are some ways to get clear on who you are and what your calling is:

1. Be The Alien

Like an alien who just landed on Earth and to whom everything is new and exciting, look around and ask yourself how are you going to use this body and this existence to create something awesome starting right now?

This strategy will help you get a new perspective and step outside of your old excuses and lame habits. It can also make you more aware of the endless resources that you have and take for granted or do not see.

2. Take The First Right Step

Instead of wasting your time trying to figure out and plan your next perfect move, just do something already. No matter how clueless you may feel right now, take action. You don’t have to know exactly where it’s going to take you, you just need to take the next step that feels right and see where it leads.

3. Do Your Best Wherever You’re At

Your first step might not land you in your dream situation right away, but it might be your stepping-stone. But no matter where it lands you, appreciate wherever you’re at. Acknowledge that everything you do along the journey contributes to where you’re going.

Perhaps you want to have your own business, but right now you need enough experience and network, so you work under someone else. Having a good attitude and being grateful even if you’re not having your dream, will raise your frequency and attract the right people and opportunities that will take you in the direction you want to go.

4. Don’t Reinvent The Wheel

You don’t have to invest your ideal life from scratch. Look around and see what other people out there are doing that you would love to do and that makes you feel alive the most. Is it that they have a solid routine? No routine? It is the fact that they get to travel the world?

The more specific you get about the things that turn you on, the easier it will be for you to picture what you want in your own life.

5. Don’t Get Caught Up In The Thunderbolt Hype

Many people share the misconception that your true calling is going to come to you in a “mighty flash of soul-defining insight”. Even though many people have always known exactly what they want to do, the majority of us are clueless.

Remind yourself that it’s fine not to have your calling figured out at the very beginning. You might even fulfill several callings throughout your life that evolve as you age. Always do what feels right to you and you’ll be sure you’re walking your destined path

Related: ‘Follow Your Passion’ Is Not The Answer – Here’s What To Do Instead

How to Break Through Obstacles And Discover Your Hidden Potential?

Step #5: Shift Your Thoughts

Your thoughts are the most powerful tool you’ve got to create the life of your dreams.

You created the reality you’re living with your thoughts, which means that you can use the same power of thought to change it.

The following are some ways to change your thoughts and create your desired reality:

1. Act As If

Fake it until you make it.

Whatever you want, believe you can have it, even if you don’t have any evidence that it’s possible. Act as if it’s happening and stay open of opportunities that will lead you to your goal.

2. Surround Yourself With People Who Think The Way You Want to Think

You become like the 5 people you spend most of your time with.

Stay away from people with negative thoughts and start hanging out with people who see abundance everywhere. Spend more time with people you want to think like they do.

If you don’t know anyone who inspires you, make new friends.

Step #6: Give And Let Give

Giving is one of our greatest joys. When we trust that universe we live in, is abundant and allow ourselves to give freely, we raise our frequency and put ourselves in the position to receive abundance in return.

On the other hand, when we are scared to share because we don’t trust there’s more, we are creating more of the very thing we’re trying to avoid, which is lack.

We live in a universe where every action has an equal and opposite reaction; breathe and exhale, give and receive. This is why the more you give, the more you’ll receive, and vice versa.

Here are some ways to increase the give and receive flow in your life:

1. Pick one or two causes that have real meaning to you and give to them regularly. Give it some of your time and money until it becomes a habit. Even the smallest amounts count.

2. Leave a dollar more than you normally tip.

3. Smile and compliment people as often as possible.

Related: 8 Healthy Ways to Become an Altruistic Person and Start Giving Freely

Step #7: Cultivate An Attitude of Gratitude

Having gratitude goes way beyond having the good manner of simply saying “thank you” when receiving something from someone.

Being in a state of gratitude is about having awareness and deep appreciation for the many blessings in your life.

And because gratitude makes you feel good, it puts you at a very high frequency to manifest more good feelings, things, and experiences into your life.

Here are some ways to practice gratitude:

1. Finding benefits

When someone unfortunate or annoying happens to you, meet it with the statement, “This is good because…” and fill in the blank.

For example, “This is good that I got a flat tire on my way home from picking up my kids. I’ve shown them how to change a tire.”

 When you make this a regular practice, you’ll be able to see how easy it is to be grateful by always focusing on the positive.

2. Start a gratitude journal

Every day write down in a journal five things you’re grateful for in your life. It could be seemingly small things like the fact that your heart is beating, the flowers in your garden, the beautiful sunset…

Related: Daily Gratitude Ideas: 10 Ways to Practice Gratitude Every Day

 Step #8: Forgive and Let Go

When we physically hurt ourselves, we do anything to get the pain stop even if it would include pouring a disinfectant that stings on an open wound. We do it because we’re focused on one ultimate goal, which is a relief.

However, when it comes to emotional pain, we tend to prolong our misery by holding to our ill feelings and wallowing in our guilt, shame, and resentment, sometimes for our entire life.

Instead of letting these feelings go, we hold on to them, reliving them over and over, somehow believing that we’re going to make those who hurt us feel as badly as they’re made us feel.

The truth is holding on to resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for your enemy to die.

Holding on will not change anything, it will keep you a prisoner to your pain.

The moment you decide to forgive and let your negative feelings behind, you are on the road to freedom.

Forgiveness is about you, not the person you need to forgive. It’s putting your desire to feel good before your desire to be right. It’s about taking responsibility for your own happiness instead of pretending it’s in someone else’s hands.

Here are some ways to help you forgive:

1. Find Compassion

One of the best ways to find compassion for someone who hurt you is to imagine this person as a little kid who is acting out of fear in an attempt to protect themselves.

People usually act poorly when they’re in pain. Understanding this will help you find compassion for them. The same goes for anything you need to forgive yourself about.

Related: 12 Actionable Tips to Fix Lack of Empathy and Become a Strong Empath

2. Erase The Other Person From The Equation

Imagine yourself hanging out in your brand new boat when another boat bangs into you, leaving a scratch. If no one is on the boat, there’s no one to get mad at, and you deal with the situation in a calm way.

However, if someone is on the boat, you deal with it by going crazy.

The same situation, two different ways to react. One will leave you raging, the other opens your heart.

By refraining from blaming the other person, you erase him from the equation, and you start focusing on the situation at hand and how it can be fixed.

3. Choose to Be Happy Rather Than Right

Oftentimes, the key to freedom lies in choosing to be happy rather than right. When someone makes a mistake, instead of spinning out on it for days, it would feel so much better to let them think they’re right and just let it go.

4. Keep In Mind That You Won’t Even Remember This

Try to think about someone who had pissed you off three years ago. Can you come up with someone? If you can, can you get pissed off about them now? So why make a big deal out of it if you’re going to forget about it a year or two from now?

5. Forget About It

Once you’ve truly forgiven someone, forget all about it. Forgiveness is about pretending that we’re cool when we’re still holding on to some resentment. Instead, focus on their good behavior and intentions.

How to Break Through Obstacles And Discover Your Hidden Potential?

Step #9: Change Your Stories

The quality of our lives largely depends on the quality of our stories.

Oftentimes, we cling to false beliefs like “I don’t have the money,” and “I’m not good enough,” that we prevent ourselves from seeing the endless possibilities and opportunities surrounding us.

If you want to change your life, start with doing the following:

1. Become Aware of Your Stories

You are the author of your own life, and as soon as you decide to write yourself a better script, you’ll get to live a more fulfilling life.

But before you can let go of your old stories, you need to become aware of what they are. Whatever you want to do, ask yourself why you’re not doing it? What’s holding you back?

2. Become Aware of What You’re Gaining From Your Stories

Whatever you tell yourself is serving you, be it in a healthy way or an unhealthy way.

For example, if you’re story is that you’re depressed, even though it feels awful, you don’t have to work as hard you take much care of yourself. It feels familiar and comfortable and gets you attention from other people.

Without realizing it, we make the benefits we get from our stories more important than getting the things we really want. It feels comfortable and we’re scared to let go of the comfort and take responsibility for our own lives.

Only when you identify the false benefits you’re reaping from your stories that you can let go of these stories and replace them with more empowering ones.

3. Write New Stories

After identifying your old stories and the benefits you’re reaping from them, start writing new empowering stories.

Example:

Old story: There aren’t any good men out there.

Benefits: I don’t have to take responsibility for why I’m not meeting any.

New story: The world is filled with awesome, loving men, and I’m capable of, and so excited to find a good one for myself.

In order for the new stories to become your new truth, you need to focus on them and feel how happy and excited they make you feel. Let them be your new affirmations to repeat over and over until they replace the old stories completely.

4. Take Action

After changing your stories, get a move on. If you want to change your “depressed” story, stop listening to sad music. Stop complaining, and start focusing on the good. Do more of the things you love.

Think, talk, and behave the way a person who isn’t depressed does.

Related: When Your Brain Lies to You: How to Stop Cognitive Distortions and Overcome Depression?

Step#10. Change Your Environment

An environment that is favorable for your growth, is an environment where others are ahead of you. If you find yourself the smartest in the room, then you’re in the wrong room. The best place to grow is where others are ahead of you.

A growth environment is also an environment where you’re continuously challenged, where you find yourself often out of your comfort zone and where failure is not your enemy.

Such an environment might not be comfortable, but it’s what you’re going to need in order to achieve personal growth.

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10 Steps to Completely Transform Yourself In 2021 (2)

Resources

Portions of this article were adapted from the book You are a badass, ©2013 by Jen Sincero. All rights reserved.

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