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Best 10 Books On Emotional Unavailability

Books On Emotional Unavailability

The following are some of the best books on emotional unavailability to help you embark on your recovery journey.

Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links. This means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn an affiliate commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.

What Is Emotional Unavailability?

Emotional unavailability refers to a pattern of interpersonal behavior where an individual is unable or unwilling to fully engage in emotionally intimate relationships.

It is characterized by a consistent inability to connect with and express genuine emotions, leading to difficulties in forming deep, meaningful connections with others.

Books On Emotional Unavailability

1. Emotional Unavailability

By Bryn Collins

In her book, psychologist Bryn Collins opens up the discussion about life with an emotionally unavailable person. Using case studies, quizzes, and jargon-free, easy-to-understand concepts, she profiles the most common types of emotionally unavailable partners, then offers the skills you need to change these painful associations.

Based on her extensive clinical experience, she offers ways to recognize “toxic types” before you get too deeply involved, and she gives the emotionally unavailable partner techniques that teach how to connect with another person.

Related: Am I Emotionally Unavailable Quiz

2. The Emotionally Unavailable Man

By Patti Henry, M.Ed., L.P.C.

The Emotionally Unavailable Man helps men get their “power,” stop avoiding difficult situations, calm their partner’s anger, learn how to say “No,” set and maintain appropriate boundaries, be more effective at work, increase and enhance the sex in their relationship, and feel personal freedom and happiness.

It helps women determine if their partner is capable of being emotionally available, decide what they can — and cannot — do to help, discover how to lose their anger, exercise mutuality and safety, learn how to recognize and confront their own resistances, restore hope about long-term change, and gain clarity about their future.

Related: Emotionally Unavailable Husband Quiz

3. The Cure for Emotional Unavailability

By Stella Smith

The Cure for Emotional Unavailability will help you:
•Discover the reason why people become emotionally unavailable.
•Recognize the REAL signs of emotional unavailability and separate fact from fiction.
•Understand both the passive and aggressive types of emotional unavailability.
•Learn about the differences in behavior between dating an emotionally unavailable partner and having a long-term relationship with one.
•Become emotionally aware.
•Learn practical ways to practice self-compassion.
•Learn how to deal with defense mechanisms.
•Stop your thoughts from controlling you. Embrace your value and experience healthy relationships.

Related: Emotional Intimacy Test (+13 Tips On How To Increase Emotional Intimacy In A Relationship?)

4. Emotional Intimacy

By Robert Augustus Masters Ph.D.

With Emotional Intimacy, this respected therapist and author invites us to explore:

• How to deepen our emotional literacy and become intimate with all our emotions
• The nature of emotional disconnection and what to do about it
• How to identify our emotions, fully experience them, and skillfully express them
• Illuminating, resolving, and healing old emotional wounds
• Gender differences in emotional intimacy and expression
• Steps for bringing greater emotional intimacy and depth into our relationships
• In-depth guidance for those facing depression, anxiety, and shame
• Why “blowing off steam” may make us feel worse, and the nature of healthy catharsis
• The difference between anger and aggression, shame and guilt, jealousy and envy
• Individual chapters for fully engaging with fear, anger, joy, jealousy, shame, grief, guilt, awe, and the full spectrum of our emotions

Related: Top 7 Tips On How To Create A Conscious Relationship Using ACT

5. If We’re Together, Why Do I Feel So Alone?

By Holly Parker

In If We’re Together, Why Do I Feel So Alone?, Dr. Parker presents her revelatory insights on topics such as:
• How to identify unavailable personality types, such as the Critic, the Sponge, the Iceberg, the Emotional Silencer, and the Defender
• How to create healthy emotional connections and boost physical intimacy
• How to eliminate habits that trigger self-sabotaging behavior

Related: Do We Need Couples Therapy Quiz

6. Emotional Unavailability & Neediness

By Gabriella Kortsch Ph.D.

Emotional unavailability and neediness do not tend to be deliberate because there is never anything consciously deliberate about the way a defense mechanism arises in childhood.

This book dissects the causes of these defense mechanisms, paving the road – for those who wish to change the inner landscape of their emotional constraints – to live and be able to love more freely.

Related: Best 10 Books For Couples

7. Ghosted and Breadcrumbed

By Dr. Marni Feuerman

Psychotherapist Dr. Marni Feuerman offers profound and insightful advice for women who find themselves in painful and unsatisfying relationships or dating experiences again and again. She offers explanations and solutions for why we attract and accept poor treatment, experience a lack of emotional connection from romantic partners, and often reject the good ones.

Related: Best 12 First Month Of Dating Tips – According To Science

8. The Emotionally Available Partner

By Marian Lindner

Learn how to share love with an emotionally available partner and find the fulfilling relationship you’ve been seeking instead! This book is your complete guide to identifying, choosing, and staying present with an emotionally available person. Whether you are in a relationship now or plan to start dating soon, you will reach for this daily guide over and over.

Related: Dating With Intention: What Does It Mean & How To Do It?

9. Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl

By Natalie Lue NML

Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl is the definitive guide to understanding the relationship between emotionally unavailable men and the women that love them. From explaining how and why they blow hot and cold, to where that future they promised went to, how you’ve ended up being a booty call, why you’ve been together for a gazillion years but aren’t going anywhere, and more importantly how and why you’re involved with them in the first place, all of the answers are here.

Related: How to Avoid A Low Value Man & Find The Right One?

10. He’s Scared, She’s Scared

By Steven Carter, Julia Sokol

Drawing on numerous interviews and real-life scenarios, and written with humor, insight, and the kind of wisdom gained by personal experience,  He’s Scared, She’s Scared offes guidance for all of us who want genuine, sustained intimacy with our romantic partners.

Increase Emotional Intimacy Worksheets (1)

How Books on Emotional Unavailability Can Help?

Books on emotional unavailability can be highly beneficial in several ways.

Reading about emotional unavailability can increase your understanding of its causes, impact, and potential solutions.

Here are some ways books can help:

1. Insight and self-awareness

Books offer insights into the underlying reasons behind emotional unavailability and help you identify any patterns or behaviors that you may be exhibiting.

This self-awareness is crucial for personal growth and developing healthier emotional connections.

2. Validation

Reading about emotional unavailability can validate your own experiences and feelings.

It can help you realize that you are not alone and that others have struggled with similar challenges.

Feeling understood can be comforting and provide a sense of validation.

Related: Dating A Divorced Man? The Ultimate Guide to Deal With Challenges of Dating a Divorced Man

3. Learning new strategies

Books often provide practical strategies and techniques to overcome emotional unavailability.

They may offer exercises, case studies, and step-by-step guidance to help you develop emotional intelligence, improve communication skills, and build more secure attachments.

4. Changing perspectives

Books can challenge your current beliefs and perspectives about relationships and intimacy.

They can offer alternative viewpoints and encourage you to question any negative or limiting beliefs you may hold, helping you open up to new possibilities for emotional connection.

5. Empathy and compassion

Reading about other people’s experiences can foster empathy and compassion towards yourself and others.

It can help you understand the impact of emotional unavailability on both your own well-being and the relationships you form with others.

Related: Fear of Engulfment: What It Is & How to Overcome It


While books can provide valuable knowledge and insights, they should not replace seeking professional help if you feel overwhelmed or if emotional unavailability significantly impacts your daily life.

By Hadiah

Hadiah is a counselor who is passionate about supporting individuals on their journey towards mental well-being. Hadiah not only writes insightful articles on various mental health topics but also creates engaging and practical mental health worksheets.

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